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Rule Changes Announced for the 2014-15 Season

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These players need boundaries.

Mitchell Leff

Last week the league announced a series of rule changes for the upcoming season. Today, let's summarize and examine these changes...

Goalkeeper's Restricted Area
The trapezoid will be expanded by two feet from the goal post on both sides of the net. Once it has been confirmed that Martin Brodeur is finally following through with his long-overdue retirement, the trapezoid will be eliminated altogether.

Steve Ott RuleOtt_lick_medium_medium
If Steve Ott licks an opposing player at any point during the course of a game, that player is considered to have a "hot stick" for the proceeding two minutes of play time, in which any goals scored by the player with a hot stick count double.

Game Misconduct Penalties
Clipping, charging, elbowing, interference, kneeing, head-butting and butt-ending are kind of jerk things to do, so they move from the general category into the same category as boarding and checking from behind, whereby a player who incurs two such game misconducts in this category would now be automatically suspended for one game.

Penalty Shot
The 'Spin-O-Rama' move will no longer be permitted either in Penalty Shot situations or in the Shootout unless a player shouts out "COWABUNGA!!!!!!!" as he starts his attempt.

Video Goal Judge
Video review will be expanded in a number of ways to allow for more discretion by Hockey Operations in determining good goals, which will make it even more hilarious when they continue to fuck up just as badly as before and allow shit like this to count:

Tripping
The rule relating to "Tripping" will be revised to specifically provide that a two minute minor penalty will be assessed when a player is just straight trippin'. A double minor may be assessed, at the official's discretion, if the player is determined to have surpassed just straight trippin' and progressed to trippin' balls.

Revised Diving / Embellishment Rules
Vancouver, Nashville, and Boston might have a rougher go this season.

Overtime
Changes have been made to the overtime format.

  • Teams will switch ends prior to the start of overtime in the regular season.
  • The entire ice surface will undergo a "dry scrape" prior to the start of overtime in the regular season.
  • The procedure requiring the head coach to submit a list of the first three shooters in the shoot-out has been eliminated.
  • During the last 30 seconds of the overtime period, the ice is made of lava!!! Any players who touch the ice surface have to play dead for the remainder of the game.

Puck Out of Bounds
Where a face-off occurs after a stoppage in play has been made more confusing, but it's not like you really understood it before, anyway.

In addition, the following rule change will be enacted for the 2014 preseason and may be continued for the 2014/15 regular season if approved by the League and the NHLPA:

Ice Markings/Hash Marks
There will be a completely inconsequential move of the hash marks at the end zone circles from three feet apart to five feet, seven inches apart and no one will ever care.

...What do you think? Which NHL rule change will have the biggest impact on the league this season? Share your dipshit opinion in the comments.