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Ducks Gameday: The Jersey Devil

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Easily fooled dirt people. Devils @ Ducks.

Gary A. Vasquez-USA TODAY Sports

As I'm sure most people are aware, the New Jersey Devils get their name from an idiotic Jersey legend that the locals insist is real, because people on the East Coast are easily fooled. Here's a brief description of the Jersey devil from Wikipedia...

The Jersey Devil is a legendary creature or cryptid said to inhabit the Pine Barrens of Southern New Jersey, United States. The creature is often described as a flying biped with hooves, but there are many different variations. The common description is that of a kangaroo-like creature with the head of a goat, leathery bat-like wings, horns, small arms with clawed hands, cloven hooves and a forked tail. It has been reported to move quickly and often is described as emitting a "blood-curdling scream."

The legend dates back further, but hundreds of "sightings" were reported in 1909. It is now firmly cemented into the fabric of New Jersey, and that's pretty hilarious. I mean, look at this thing...

... Well, that's certainly, uh, not at all terrifying but definitely laughable.

Anyway, as I said, people take this shit seriously, so let's laugh at them. Here are a handful of selected excerpts from a ridiculous website that collects what they call "true, credible sightings." These are all from separate sightings...

I went to my property border and saw a monstrous creature about 6ft tall and 2 feet wide. It shreiked and ran away faster than any animal can possibly move.

The next morning I went into the woods to see if there were any prints, and sadly I found my neighbor's dog slaughtered in the woods. There was fur everywhere. I'm not sure if this was any big animal that might live in the woods or the New Jersey Devil.

* * *

Easily, it towered over my five foot eight stature, and its wing span must have been a startling three feet. It was brown in color, and it seemed to be a mixture of various animals.

* * *

It appeared to me at first like a kangaroo but was using more of its front legs, sort of half crawling, half slithering. The hind legs were more prominent, again like a kangaroo. It had a pointed tail which was not dragging, but stuck out straight behind the creature. It appeared very streamlined. It had an angular pointed head which resembled a horse. It was larger than any fox I had ever seen and appeared hairless. It also seemed to have an eerie glow about it, possibly due to the color in the moonlight and headlights.

* * *

The creature was about 8 or 9 feet tall with red glowing eyes and bat-like wings. It was mainly dark in color with grey patches and had a short tail. Eric said it had curled horns. Its footsteps sounded metallic.

* * *

At first, I thought maybe it was a huge bird like a stork, pelican, or heron or something, considering its wingspan was a good 4 feet wide. But when it swooped down past us and went under the streetlight, it didn't look like a bird.

* * *

I was staring upward when I finally saw what looked like a winged horse with huge wings flying over my driveway and over the top of some trees in my yard. It then proceeded to fly into woods near my house.

* * *

They think I was dreaming but I was not.

* * *

I know I'm not crazy - I did see something. I've told some family members and friends, and some laugh, some don't. I'm a 35 year old man who grew up here, camped, hiked, but never encountered anything like this. You better believe when I take that route again I will definitely keep my eyes open again.

* * *

First off - I haven't had a drink in 25 years and don't smoke anything funny.

* * *

Description of Creature: large winged creature, looked like some kind of horse-like demon. red eyes, and screeched.

We had seen a large winged creature. It looked like some kind of horse-like demon. The creature had red eyes and a loud screech.

* * *

I picked up the phone to call the cops but he said they would think I was nuts. I got some rest and went back to the corner, but I didn't see anything that would prove the Jersey Devil had been there.

* * *

Police were called out and could not identify the tracks, but guessed it had to be the size of a bear and wondered if I keep guns for protection. Local and statewide fish and wildlife folks cannot identify them, or insist that they are cougar tracks, which they clearly are not!

So as you can see, it's very easy to fool people from New Jersey.

Great talk, everyone.

Gameday

Devils (16 - 29) @ Ducks (28 - 16)

Friday, Jan 16, 2015, 7:00 PM PST

Honda Center

Prediction

Some sort of cryptid kills Ryan Getzlaf, New Jersey takes advantage and wins 3-1.