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Ducks Gameday: FOR8VER

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Rob Blake is complete trash and so is anyone who ever cheered for him. Ducks @ Kings.

Kelvin Kuo-USA TODAY Sports

As is tradition here at Battle of California whenever two teams from the best state in the union face off against each other, today's game posts have a theme behind them. Today's posts discuss how two retired franchise players stack up against each other.

There go the Kings again, copying Anaheim. First the Ducks win the Cup, then Los Angeles wins the Cup. The Ducks retire a franchise player's number, now the Kings are retiring  a franchise player's number. The Kings won a second cup, then Anaheim burned down the Staples Center. So the cycle goes.

With LA retiring esteemed garbage person Rob Blake's number tonight, it just proves how shallow of a pool the Kings have as far as respectable players in their history. Bottom dwellers like Blake are the best they can come up with, whereas Anaheim just retired the number of a player admired all over the league, by players and fans alike, a true legend of the sport. Blake, meanwhile, is avoided like he was Dunn's herpes.

The ways in which Teemu Selanne is better than Rob Blake are immeasurable, but here are just a few reasons...

NHL Records

Selanne holds three essentially unbreakable NHL records (and a laundry list of Jets 1.0 and Ducks franchise records). Rob Blake, although he holds a handful of meaningless Kings defensive franchise records, holds zero league records. He's never been very good.

Selanne's league records...

Record Total
NHL record most goals by a rookie 76, 1992-93
NHL record most points by a rookie 132, 1992-93
NHL record, most goals by a Finnish-born player, career 684

Olympic Prowess

Speaking of records, Teemu holds the Olympic record for most points in Olympic competition at 43. Rob Blake has 6 points. Selanne also holds 4 Olympic medals. Blake has one. Blake had the benefit of playing for Team Canada as well, and still never managed to do anything that impressive internationally. Way to phone it in for your country, Blake.

Did Rob Blake Murder A Young Girl in 1990?

I don't have an answer, I'm just asking the question. I don't know for sure if he did or didn't. But I know Teemu Selanne has never been accused of such a heinous crime.

Stanley Cup

Teemu Selanne won the Stanley Cup with the Anaheim Ducks in 2007. Rob Blake also won the Cup, but it wasn't even with the Kings. It was with the Avalanche in 2001 and the league doesn't even recognize the win as legitimate because no one gives a shit about the Avalanche.

Community Outreach

Teemu Selanne is celebrated for his charity and love for his community. Rob Blake shoots hobos with pellet guns at the park.

Diaeresis

Teemu Selänne has a diaeresis in his name, right there above the a! Rob Blake has a dumb name and no diaeresis.

Longevity

Selanne played 21 NHL seasons and 1,451 regular season games. Blake only played 19 seasons, because he is a coward, leaving him with a measly 1,270 regular season games, quitting after accomplishing just about nothing.

Jersey Number

Rob Blake wore no. 4, but Teemu Selanne wore no. 8 because he is twice as good as Rob Blake.

Conclusion

Teemu Selanne rules and deserves every bit of the endless adoration he receives from all over the league. Rob Blake is a garbage human being commemorated by a garbage franchise who only garbage fans care about.

How fitting.

Gameday

Ducks @ Kings

Saturday, Jan 17, 2015, 7:00 PM PST

Staples Center

Prediction

Rob Blake's banner falls from the rafters and crushes Drew Doughty, killing him instantly.