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Sharks Gameday: NeWHO CARES Jersey Devils

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I've reached peak awesomeness so I don't give a shit about tonight's game

Ryane is doing the Lorde's Worke
Ryane is doing the Lorde's Worke
Ed Mulholland-USA TODAY Sports

I've recently returned to the Twitter machine after taking a few weeks off and my god, there has been some serious payoff from returning. I was at my favorite tiki bar in Los Angeles on Saturday night, enjoying a few beverages with some old high school chums (aka getting wasted off of blendies) when all of a sudden my phone erupted. This might come as a shock to you, being the super cool blogger that I am, but my phone doesn't typically blow up.

Of course I instantly got anxiety--I assumed that Dunn got arrested or Jared lost his giant baby and I would have to fix the mess, as usual.

But alas, my phone explosion was actually because of something amazing, something so awesome that I don't really know if I could ever top it, so I'm probably not going to try anymore.

So the Kings started a segment this season where during some of the games, they feature mean tweets and the players read them for a video that is played on the jumbotron. They ripped off the segment from Jimmy Kimmel because of course Los Angeles steals things from mediocre late night talk show hosts, but to be fair, it's a great segment.

hahaha, fuck. Dustin Brown read my goddamn tweet. I hate Dustin Brown so much and he read a tweet that incapsulates my hatred for him. My life is complete. I don't care about how anything else in my life turns out now, because this is the greatest.

The only thing that would have made this better is if they actually read the real tweet rather than censoring it. Also if Kings Vision would get their shit together and post the video of him reading it, so I can enjoy it.

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>Dustin Brown calling other players dirty is like a skunk telling another animal that they smell like shit</p>&mdash; SJ (@stace_ofbase) <a href="">April 29, 2014</a></blockquote>

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So yeah, I'm the best, I'm retiring and moving to Palm Springs. I'm gonna wear an all pink pants suit and a bedazzled cowgirl hat and play video poker at the Agua Caliente Hotel and Casino everyday for the rest of my life.


San Jose Sharks vs. New Jersey Devils

7:30pm PST

Sad Asshole Patrol Center



So yeah! The homestand continues. San Jose lost to Calgary on Saturday and basically everyone in the pacific got a point that night (except for Phoenix, goddamn, move that team to the ECHL already), so the playoff race is tight, but who cares, all star break is upon us and all is well.

New Jersey is San Jose's nursing home so we get to see the return of Martin Havlat and Ryane Clowe this evening. Anaheim and Los Angeles both let Martin Havlat score last week, so hopefully he will be able to go for the hat trick!

Sharks win, 3-2. Goals from Joe Pavelski, Tomas Hertl and Brent Burns. Ryane Clowe scores from the bench, gets suspended for an illegal line change. Havlat scores and dies.

Setting the Tone:

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Awful Hockey Tattoo of the Day: