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Sharks Gameday: You've Got Game

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Crying tears of happiness because the All Star Break is almost upon us

uh, what?
uh, what?
The Playoffs

Tonight's game is the last game before the All Star Break! The All Star break is the greatest thing in the whole entire world, because it gives your favorite players (and bloggers) a much needed rest, because we are all super fucking tired of hockey right now.

The All Star Game is the best part about the All Star weekend, obviously. All the best players come together and score a lot of goals but then forget to how to play defense. This is a strategy that the Sharks have been following for quite a long time. The only thing truly wrong with the All Star game is that it does not feature John Scott, who I assume told them that he wanted to rest and spend time with his family/do charity work instead.

The All Star Game is as important as the Stanley Cup Final, which is cool because Brent Burns was invited to play, which means that the Sharks could possibly win the cup this weekend!

The skills competition is stupid and pointless like the Los Angeles Kings. It tries so desperately to be a relevant part of the hockey world but nobody watches them so any 'success' that comes from it is actually a lie. They try to force the skills competition upon everyone but the point is that no one will ever care, so stop trying to make it a thing, NHL.

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>LA truly loves their Kings <a href=""></a></p>&mdash; Torque Penderloin (@AndrewCieslak) <a href="">January 13, 2015</a></blockquote>

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The Kings get as much coverage in their own market as the skills competition does everywhere, because nobody cares.

I'm so excited for all that All-Star coverage this weekend! Hahaha, just kidding, I'm not watching a minute of it! Thanks for the writing break, NHL!


San Jose Sharks vs. Los Angeles Kings

7:30pm PST

Sad Asshole Patrol Center



Hahaha, it's Metallica night! Who cares about the game. Sharks win, 2-1, in a shootout. Marian Gaborik wears a cape in the shootout and gets injured. Lone regulation goal from Joe Thornton.

Setting the Tone:

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Tweet of the Day:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>instead of having an all star game, the NHL should just televise three hours of EJ Hradek trying to pronounce &quot;Colaiacovo&quot;</p>&mdash; Hamfacts Jones (@AnthraxJones) <a href="">January 19, 2015</a></blockquote>

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Awful Hockey Tattoo of the Day: