Contrary to popular belief, I am not as old as the universe. I did not walk the Earth when it was created. I did not roam the plains with the dinosaurs.

I may not be a newborn babe, a toddler learning to let go of her mother's hand for the first time, or a teen on her first date. But damn you all, my age does not yet have me in a rocking chair telling stories to the kids in the neighborhood of the "good ole days".

Benefits of my age:

1. I answer to no one. Okay I answer to my boss, but no parents and no children.
2. Related to above, if I want to stay out on a work night, I can. No one calling me asking "Mom, can you pick up sodas at the store.". Nope, nothing like that.
3. I actually have money in my wallet again. With both boys away at college, they are no longer taking my money. Nevermind the student loans; I fucking have money in my wallet again.
4. I can walk around naked in my own place!! I have not been able to do that since the boys were very very young. Why it is that they felt it was right in the world for them to walk around half-naked, but mom not be fully clothed at all times was just wrong. Yes, I over-shared. Get over it.
5. Other than work, I have no schedule!!! I don't have to get home to fed them, I don't have to make sure they get to school. My time is my own. Finally.
6. When I leave for work and the place is clean, I get to come home and it's still clean. My god, it is still fucking clean!!
7. I am wiser than any of you shits that are still learning life lessons. Disagree all you wish, but that is just how it goes. I made all my mistakes, learned my lessons, you still have shit to go thru.
8. Oh! I can go on vacation during the school year. Why? Cause the boys aren't here. No more waiting for summer when everyone else is on vacation too.
9. I'm still young enough, yes YOUNG ENOUGH, to enjoy everything.
10. Did I mention I still have my health? No? Okay then, I still have my good health.

By the way, did you know there was about 80 NHL players that were active beyond age 40? Not bad huh?

So go on - hit me with your best old joke. And then bite me!