Sharks Gameday: Dr Pepper Sucks

Jared is known around Battle of California and Twitter as someone who has bad opinions on things. He doesn't eat any meat, which means he has an iron deficiency, which is Very Bad for his health. He doesn't eat cheese, which is essentially the equivalent of worshipping Satan. There's only one thing that he likes and to no surprise, it's the worst soft drink in the whole entire world--Dr. Pepper.

I love soda. LOVE it. It's the one thing that I really truly have trouble cutting out of my diet, well besides fast food, sweets, processed sugar, dairy, red meat, and carbs. If I cut soda out of my diet, I would probably weigh 57 lbs. Although I love soda, I am rather particular about what kind I drink, but I like to believe it's because I am a soda aficionado. My favorite sodas to drink are: fountain cherry coke and fountain regular coke. If canned soda is the only option, I like to go with pepsi. When I get drunk, I prefer 7-up or ginger ale as mixers. When rarely offered (typically at Rubio's), I like to get my fountain vanilla coke on.

Now back to Dr. Pepper--it is so disgusting. It is very much the Anaheim Ducks of all the sodas. It consists of 23 different disgusting flavors that are mixed together into a soup of fluids that are slurped up by the scum who enjoys that sort of thing. It leaves you with a bad taste in your mouth and you generally feel bad about yourself having come across it.

Not only is Dr. Pepper disgusting, but it can do serious damage to its male (Hi Jared) consumers.

Dr. Pepper is a substance made of mostly man-made chemicals. Some say that it can actually affect the smell of your genitals, for men, the semen may begin to smell and taste bad.

Another reason why the Dr. Pepper brand is bad is because it is misogynstic. Dr. Pepper came out with Dr. Pepper 10 three years ago, which was a 10 calorie version of its shitty sibling beverage, regular Dr. Pepper. This is a screenshot of an actual television ad for it:

Here's another online ad for it:

So, as you can see, Dr. Pepper is the worst and there's absolutely nothing redeeming about any of the products affiliated with it. #FuckDrPepper

Gameday!

San Jose Sharks vs. Anaheim Ducks

7:00pm PST

Sad Asshole Patrol Center

NBC-SN (No Hayward, woooooooo!)

Prediction:

Hahahah the Sharks beat the Kings badly and it was funny because everyone was sad. The Sharks continue to make Southern California sad. Sharks win, 4-2. Joe Thornton cock trick.

Setting the Tone:

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Canned Pepsi, Wayne gets it.

Tweet of the Day:

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Awful Hockey Tattoo of the Day:

heaven help me