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Kings Gameday: Why you lost

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"You" being the New York Rangers

Artful
Artful
Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

This past summer the Kings beat the New York Rangers to win their second Stanley Cup. I talked a lot about the Kings, Mario Kart, and mostly about myself. My narcissism slowed down a bit (yeah right) and I realized I didn't touch too much on the Rangers. Since New York is in town for the first time since they blew it, now is as good a time as any to breakdown the Rangers. And why they didn't win.

BRAD RICHARDS

The Kings ran Ilya Kovalchuk out of New Jersey after he underperformed in 2012 and ran Brad Richards out of New York. Kovalchuk went home to the fledgling KHL, and Richards departed for another frozen hell-scape known as Chicago. Of course, the Kings were trying to sign both of these guys only to get spurned but this isn't sour grapes. The Kings won after all.

RICK NASH

Sure he has like 300 goals or something now, but he contributed to the Rangers' success about as much as I did. Hey, remember when he had that wide open net in overtime in game five? Then instead he shot it off of Slava Voynov's stick? It was a really good defensive play.

Wait no. Nash blew it.

DAN GIRARDI ACTUALLY ISN'T VERY GOOD

Yeah, I thought he was better, too. But nope. Sucks.

ALAIN VIGNEAULT

"Hey, let's hire a coach with loads of winning experience!"

Nah, hire that loser from Vancouver who blew the Finals against the Boston Bruins. Next time, get a coach we can all take seriously.

HENRIK LUNDQVIST

If you want to know who blew it the most, it was gold medalist, Vezina winning franchise goaltender Henrik Lundqvist. All so he could dramatically pose in defeat. The dive to the ice. The pained look after he removed his helmet. His fighting back the tears during the handshake line. To be doing that all in Los Angeles where actors are discovered every day? Nice try, Hank. You're not fooling anyone. You lost the Cup AND you didn't get the acting gig. Sorry you're a failure.

KARMA

You had Chris Kreider run a goalie, Dominic Moore tried to kill someone, and Daniel Carcillo assaulted a ref. The Kings meanwhile did nothing wrong! Nothing that I can think of, at least. The Rangers were destined to lose. Crime doesn't pay fellas.

rangers preview

Kings are going to inevitably get their ass kicked thanks to my hubris. Also Tupac > Biggie.

Prediction: Pretty sure I just made one.