It is not secret to anyone that for the past...forever I guess, that I have been hooting and hollering for three on three hockey in overtime. As it turns out, the NHL decided to give it a try. And as it turns out, it's AWESOME. Friday night's game with the Kings and the Minnesota Wild Stars of Houston was the first time I really watched it. Up until then I had only halfheartedly watched three on three because the Kings weren't involved. Yes, I know the league had tested it out for every game in the preseason, but I don't really watch those games because, well, I have any thing else I'd rather do.
But the NHL finally got it right. Preventing players from drug use, punishing them for violence against women, or stopping franchises from treating athletes and fans like cattle may still be an ugly work in progress, but the NHL has an awesome overtime set-up now. So everything is perfectly fine now. The dumb as hell shootout may still exist, but give it a year and that will be as relevant as Dustin Penner is now.
Now, I am not one to gloat and say I was right and that three on three hockey is the best, but I was right and three on three hockey is the best. The NHL even decided to just outright skip four on four hockey because the rush isn't even comparable. They just go straight for the primo grade shit. And we the audience cannot get enough. However, I still have some suggestions to make overtime even more exciting!
- Hockey sticks will be replaced with swords.
- The doors to the benches will not open. Learn to hop over those boards, dammit.
- Players can't have a second shift until every other player on the roster have been on the ice. If you decided to play a knuckle dragging goon in this game at all, well guess what, now you have to use him
- The center circle of the rink will fall away and be a flaming pit instead that players will have to avoid. Or at least it's highly recommended they avoid it.
- Goalies are rigged to explode if they remain in their crease for over ten seconds. This is also the premise for my script for Speed 3.
- Coaches must take a hit of acid prior to the overtime period.
- For every minute over the five minute mark in overtime, a player from each team will be replaced by some fan in the crowd. It's up to the coaches to choose which fans they want.
- If anyone in attendance mentions Corsi or Fenwick during overtime, they and their family will be shot. Now is not the time for that, nerd.
- As long as a player has control of the puck they must sing a song (they can choose which song). I think this would expand the appeal of hockey what with the popularity of singing contest shows like The Voice. NBC even has the rights, so they can cross promote. Imagine finding out if Milan Lucic had a beautiful voice.
- Tim Peel arrives to ref the overtime period.
The Kings won a game so the playoffs must be right around the corner for the team now. Now they play Colorado, who are without the Bad Barrie Boy. Please god, let Darryl Sutter not change the defense and decide to put Weal into the game.
Prediction: Weal stays in the press box, Andreoff and Nolan both score, and Weal is traded immediately afterwards. Kings lose 3-2.