Kings Gameday: Whinypeg

The Jets, man. During last year's playoffs they committed the worst atrocity possible. They made the hockey community hope the Ducks would win. And not just win, but crush them. Little Winnipeg, who had the whole city cram into a little minor league hockey arena, had gotten everyone to hate them. Dustin Byfuglien was finally given the spotlight which revealed he was a lumbering infected zit, and the city of Winnipeg proved to be equally horrific.

A Katy Perry chant broke out and everyone groaned. Whether or not you think it is sexist (it is), it is even more incredibly offensive to humor. There's zero originality involved, it's a tired joke, and calling Corey Perry a girl is extremely unfair to females. Don't think it was a bad idea? Gary Bettman thought it was alright, which is all you should need to know it was awful. To be fair, he did allow a team to return undeservedly to Winnipeg, so he had to have their back. It was akin to a parent claiming, "My kid didn't know better!" after the kid was busted for taking a dump in the middle of a line at McDonald's. Thankfully, the Ducks actually were alright for a change and stomped the living hell out of the Jets and they returned to being entirely irrelevant in Manitoba.

Then came this bit of fun.

Kane admits he ‘asked for a trade every offseason in Winnipeg’ https://t.co/hA6E5CsuOn

— NBC ProHockeyTalk (@ProHockeyTalk) October 26, 2015

Evander Kane has long had issues with Winnipeg. He does something fun, like take a picture of a wad of cash in Vegas. Winnipeg whines that he is unprofessional, probably because he doesn't spend that money on them. Kane does spend money on them and goes out to dinner in Winnipeg. They whine that he didn't pay because he didn't leave a $300 tip even after his waiter probably shit talked him all throughout his meal. Kane gets asked if he likes being a Jet, and says, "It's alright." Then he nervously shrugs at the Manitoba KKK mob forming behind him.

Somehow Kane got ran out of town and was targeted for years despite the fact he was teammates his whole time in Winnipeg with Chris Thorburn. Thorburn looks like a 1950s gangster version of Kenny G, and is about as useful to hockey as a chainsaw is to babysitting your neighbors' kids. Then his teammates, with emphasis on the aforementioned skid-mark Byfuglien, decided he wasn't good for them either. Byfuglien of course being the guy responsible for throwing Kane's tracksuit in a shower.

First off, who gives a shit what someone wears to practice? Maybe Byfuglien was jealous of the fact if he wore a tracksuit he would look like a pregnant water buffalo. Secondly, where does he get the right to judge what's good for the team? This is a guy that hates three on three hockey after all. How can you conceivably trust this man's opinion on anything anymore? He probably thought Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was a good addition to the Indiana Jones franchise, and that Winnipeg is a wonderful place to live. All this while he probably Rikishi's some poor unaware rookie.

Winnipeg will predictably boo, throw objects at, and probably chant something else idiotic at Kane when he returns later this season. However, they should be singing his praises and thanking him. He simply requested a trade, privately. He was putting up with this sort of bullshit for years in that frozen hellscape. The city and franchise should be thankful he didn't lose his mind and burn the whole municipality to the ground instead. Well, maybe he did lose his mind. He seems to enjoy Buffalo after all.

The Kings have won five in a row, largely because Connor McDavid sucks. Ho hum.

Prediction: Byfuglien decapitates Toffoli, runs Quick, and somehow scores in overtime. Kings lose 3-2.