clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Sharks Gameday: These guys again?

New, 8 comments

Didn't we just play the Islanders? Why is there literally no matchup that sounds exciting?

Stop trying to pet Brent Burns, he's just had his flea medication
Stop trying to pet Brent Burns, he's just had his flea medication
Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

The Islanders peed in the punch of the Sharks early season party, and it's mostly been awkward text messages and shame since then. Martin Jones started being Niemi 2.0, our defense has been pretty bad, our special team play has been in Fire Woodcroft mode, and our bottom six has been a clown orgy. Since the Islanders game, we've won games against the Hurricanes, Avalanche, and Panthers, and lost everything else. Ooops.

Some positives: Brent Burns continues to score a lot of goals as a defenseman, and usually doesn't make you punch a wall when he's in his own zone. Patty Marleau continues his sex having ways. Joel Ward has been a great signing. Joe Thornton is quietly moving up the list of all-time points leaders. And Tomas Hertl has been getting valuable time at center, and is doing pretty well.

It's almost as if we have a completely new coaching staff who haven't fully implemented the systems they want while dealing with key depth injuries! Anyway, I'm basically not going to worry about things until around mid-December. If they're still losing to crap teams like the Ducks and only putting up points against the most boring and terrible teams in the league, then, well, I, uh...I' show my displeasure. Yeah. You hear me, Plattner! Don't think I won't!

The country music they play in the local Ace Hardware is fucking terrible

They were playing this dumbshit song the other day when I was buying picture hooks, and it was so bad that I had to look it up when I got back. The lyrics are atrocious. The video takes the whole thing to another level. Dog-whistle racism? Yup, right from the gate. A guy with two first names playing a concert on a farm? Check. A literal depiction of everything the stupid-ass lyrics talk about? If you hear the word "truck", there's going to be a shot of a truck. If he talks about fucking in a barn, you're going to see fucking in a barn.

"Forget those big-city elite weathermen with their rain-hatin' ways. I have a rudimentary understanding of plants." Good job, Luke Bryan. I ran the lyrics through a reading assessment tool. Here are the results.

Country music

Country music is the music of imbeciles.

Islanders @ Sharks
7:30 PM Pacific

Prediction: No power play goals for, 2 goals against on the PK, no contribution from anybody under age 28, and a reading level of about grade 3.