Kings Gameday: Can't someone else do it?

If there is one thing I hate it's blogging here blogging on back to back gamedays. I am a busy man with a busy schedule and a busy drinking problem. I can't keep having days dedicated to writing about small insignificant teams like Carolina or Chicago. Fortunately, other people want to be featured here. How stupid is that? I should have made like Stace and bailed, leaving my spot in the hands of Mike Richards. I heard he could use a job anyways.

As for today, @atf13atf over at twitter decided to take a go at my job. He doesn't have a clever nickname like Get'r or Jer or Cory, but I still figured it would be better than having me write more. Mostly because I am lazy. Here is what he offered to me, Mr. Editor Get'r. Let's see if he can Get'r Dunn! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa.

Since Dunn is really good at having people do his work for him , I stepped in and offered to provide some local perspective on the Blackhawks. This may be the closest thing to an actual journalist writing for Battle of California. Unfortunately, I had to buy a ticket to this game, making me the second person to be denied credentialss from this website.

Speaking of buying tickets, let us take a look back at StubHub, when I purchased my ticket.

On the left, you have tickets for tonight’s game in Chicago. On the right, you have the same two teams in Los Angeles, a few weeks from now on November 28. According to this scientific evidence, a team in a warm weather city that didn’t even make the playoffs last year has more expensive tickets than your defending Stanley Cup Champions. Wow.

Now let’s talk about the players. Jonathan Toews is getting paid $13,800,000 this year and only has four goals. You know who also has four goals? Colton Parayko, whom the Blues are paying $13,007,500 less than Toews is "earning," if you can call it that. Please refer to this graph to see what a bad contract Toews is signed to:

The Blackhawks are paying over 17 times as much per goal to Toews as the Blues are paying to Parayko. Again, wow. Bad deals like these are why they had to lose great players like Patrick Sharp, Troy Brouwer, Dave Bolland, and Brandon Bollig to salary cap crunches. And had to trade actual assets for the corpse of Kimmo Timonen.

The fans. Oh, the fans. They’re the most tortured fan base with three titles in six years, even more than the San Francisco Giants. Little darling Teuvo Teravainen is on the third line today? Oh no. Playoff games start too late? I’ll play my violin for you earlier tomorrow. The only fans that seem to be enjoying the team are in Wrigleyville bars, and according to their IDs, most of them are from Rhode Island or New Jersey, which is a little odd. And as shown in the title picture, Blackhawks fans love climbing onto stoplights.

As a personal note, I’ve seen the Kings play 3 times on the road*. 6-1 and 7-2 in San Jose, and last year’s 4-1 loss in Chicago, which also featured some guy who only played 16 games for the Kings getting hurt. Oh you mean they traded Roland McKeown AND a first round pick for that guy? Well, uh, crap.

Prediction: Kings lose 5-3 in a battle of Totally Elite Goalies. Derek Forbort’s skate comes untied and he trips coming off the bench for warmups.

*Honda Center is not a hostile environment, at least if you’ve been vaccinated.

You may remember ol' Mr. atf13atf (which I believes stands for Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms) from contributing this summer when we were all lazy and didn't want to write. He did this, this, this, and this. You should probably go follow him on twitter too because that's all I can offer as compensation.