Sharks Gameday: Florida, the What State

We like to make fun of the shittier states and provinces here at BoC. Missouri, Texas, Manitoba, Arizona, and literally every other state and province are awful, awful places to live, work, and die in. But Florida, now there's a state that fucking sucks.

Florida figures so prominently in stupid, insane, violent, and stupidly-insane-and-violent news events that I've had this exact exchange with multiple people, from a broad political spectrum, in the last couple months.

[some bonkers bit of stupidity occurs]

Me: Florida.

Other person, nodding: Florida.

I don't follow the Florida Man Twitter account, mostly because it's pretty much pointless. It's existence tells you everything you need to know. It's Florida. Nothing smart or good or worthwhile happens there. The virulent stupidity of Florida even infects Google. Here's a fun Google game. First, begin to ask Google a question.

Then answer your own question.

For fuck's sake, get it together.

Here's what I imagine is happening. Professors in Florida's outstanding universities are using the Socratic method with their moron students. "Is Florida a peninsula?" That prompts all the college kids to rush to their devices. After 7 excruciating minutes, one student finally pipes up. "Florida is an example of a peninsula because it is." The professor responds, "Ok, next week we'll discuss whether Florida is sinking."

And then there's the search string "Is Florida a good place to live?" People have typed that into a search bar. So many people. So many people! That is how they choose where to live. It makes my head hurt.

Florida: the What State

Oh right, the Sharks. They're exactly .500 and are basically the same team as last year. Great top six, horrendous bottom six, uneven goaltending, and so much less than the sum of their parts defensively. I figure the first 20-25 games are about learning the new coaching systems, so I'm not terribly invested in their record as long as they're not buried in the standings. At least Tomas Hertl is getting some good time in at center.

Panthers @ Sharks
7:30 PM Pacific

Prediction: "Florida."
/nodding
"Florida."

This is an amazing movie about Florida. Originally, it was supposed to be about how this town was called "stump city" by people in insurance companies because many of the residents would intentionally maim themselves for insurance money. Florida.