Sharks Gameday: Hot dogs are sandwiches, global warming is real, and there is no god

The Great Bored Office Worker debate of the 2000-teens rages: is a hot dog a sandwich? It hovers over every Twitter exchange, waiting to strike. It's the go-to witty response to any online blowhard's ill-reasoned hot take. It's a controversy that isn't about hot dogs and their categories, but about wasting our precious time on earth before we die. It's stupid, it's meaningless, it is Us.

It's also pretty fucking simple. When we humans use language, we don't codify exact word definitions and establish an authority that enforces them. The dictionary definition is a reflection of a particular linguistic group at a particular time, so don't start by saying, "Webster's dictionary says...." Our definitions are more like stronger and weaker associations based on usage. Enough people make the association between "hot dog" and "sandwich" that it appears on menus:

Why do they do this? Because in their mind the traits of a hot dog resemble those of a sandwich: bread surrounding a filling, often involving meat. A hot dog is a sandwich, because it's considered a sandwich by enough people as evidenced by their usage. That's how language works.

It's not about authority. It's not about your precious ideas about whether the association is strong enough. It's not about you. It's about linguistics. It's about other people. You disagree with the weak association between the words "hot dog" and "sandwich"? Great. You never would construct a menu that said "Hot Dog Sandwich"? Terrific. You, too, will die, and your ideas will die with you. Deny the inevitable, you sorry bastards. It doesn't matter.

A hot dog is a sandwich. A burrito is a sandwich. Deal with it, or don't. Everything we know and love will crumble to dust.

Speaking of grinding disappointment

The Sharks have an opportunity to further the misery of one of their biggest rivals by ending the Ducks win streak and keeping them from gaining points in the Pacific manure pile Division. Any guesses on how that's going to end up?

Ducks @ Sharks
7:30 PM Pacific

Prediction: As I take my last breaths, in a nursing home in 50 years give or take, the orderlies will be debating whether a hot dog is a sandwich. Oh, and the Sharks will struggle to score goals against a weaker opponent.