clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Kings Gameday: The secret life of the BJs

New, 3 comments

Use some Purell on your phones

Hobbies include: face punching
Hobbies include: face punching
Richard Mackson-USA TODAY Sports

Some of you long time readers (all three of you) probably are aware of my daily struggle with Tinder. I don't actually have the app of course, but I have thought about it quite a bit before. Not anymore. With the personnel on there, I think it's best I avoid Tinder/Bumble/Scurvy/Click&Dick/whatever else is out there. Because I became enlightened. Thanks to this enchanting little rundown from twitter associate and blog lurker @racheldelrae.

For some of you, there are some things you don’t know and don’t want to know about hockey players. And I’m here to tell you all about it! First, a short history lesson about the ColUMbus BJs. They were founded in 2000. Blue Jacket is a Shawnee war chief known for his militant defense of lands in Ohio, not just a yellow jacket bee wearing blue like we all thought. Shocking, I know.

They recently acquired a new coach, the legendary John Tortotilla Chip. And most importantly they drafted the true rookie to watch despite the league’s confusion thinking it was Connor McDonut and Jack Cheddar. The star you SHOULD know is currently on the AHL Lake Erie Monsters, and his name is Sonny Milano. He’s not only an incredible hockey player and citizen of the world, but he is a genius because he founded the Milano cookie. His intelligence is proudly displayed in this youtube video for a health class of his.

Definitely watch this whole video but personally the third minute near the end is my favorite part. Proud USA hockey player, let the world know.

Sonny is also known to have the majestic hair of a chia pet.

milano chia pet hair

Sonny and his fellow BJ pals are also VERY social, or for lack of a better term, avid BJ seekers. Seeking goals of course. Getting their puck in the net. Getting their puck in the net in every city they visit.

sonny profile

Poor Sonny is clearly just very bored and only wants a friend!

sonny snaps

Enough about the Sonnyshine of the world, let’s move on to more of the BJ seekers.

Boone Jenner figured this wasn't enough and wanted more though. He invented the app Bumble to "expand his horizons" even further.

boone bumbles

The list goes on and on. Feel free to visit http://hockeyplayersontinder.com/ to open Pandora’s box and enlighten/disgust yourself even more. The moral of the story is that off the ice, your favorite players are living a secret life. An active, yet apparently lonely life. Nothing a little extensive internet research can’t solve.

To save the best for last, one of our very own Kings has the most inspirational approaches.

andy profile

Andy is a poet. We will always wonder if that pick up line worked for him. If anyone wants to try it out, let me know the results.

columbus preview

Prediction: Sonny Milano gets called up last minute and airlifted to the arena. He scores 69 goals. Kings lose 0-69.

Maybe if Mike Richards had watched that video from Sonny he wouldn't be in this mess he is in now. Also, don't try that line from Andreoff unless you are cool with becoming a registered sex offender. If you have different results with Andy's smooth approach, be sure to let @racheldelrae know about your findings. This is critical research to try and understand the workings of a mind.

Prediction: Hey, that score isn't nice at all.