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Sharks Gameday: Top Five Best Coyotes Ever

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Let's take a look at my favorite Coyotes

Before it becomes a demonic monster named Shane Doan
Before it becomes a demonic monster named Shane Doan
NVPTV

While I don't really like them, mostly out of fear, I certainly respect them. Allow me to rank the best coyotes.

Top 5 Best Coyotes

5) Wilber the Coyote

Because I am relatively poor, I cannot afford fancy things like Adobe Photoshop, so I use GIMP. I've been using it for over a year now, and it's great, even though my photoshops aren't the best.

4) Wile E. Coyote

Probably the most well known Coyote in existence, this pesky animal was on a lifelong mission to capture the Roadrunner. Not really sure why he was so persistent to get the Roadrunner, but I assume it's because of his smug ass "meep meep" noise. [Editor's note: I googled whether or not it was meep meep or beep beep, and it is basically the original "is a hot dog a sandwich?" Google at your own risk]

3) Calamity Coyote

Not as popular as his mentor, Wile E. Coyote, Calamity Coyote was freaking awesome. I was a huge fan of Tiny Toons Adventure growing up and now that I'm writing this I cannot stop singing that damn theme song. Like his mentor, Calamity also chased around a smug asshole roadrunner named Little Beeper, which is something he had done since infancy. He was a lot smarter than Wile, and a lot better at not falling off cliffs. He's the best.

2) Coyote (the comic book series)

A short lived comic book series from the early 80's, Coyote revolutionized the comic book world. Coyote was raised by the spirits of totems after his parents disappeared (presumed to be government related) and he spent his entire life living in the desert without seeing another human. For 18 years he spent all of his time with various spirits in the Nevada desert, until he walked to Las Vegas. He then began to interact with people and start to experience what it was like to become a part of a civilization, while having run-ins with casino big shots and gangsters. It's pretty rad.

1) The Space Coyote

I mean, was there any other doubt? The Space Coyote is one of the greatest Simpsons characters in one of the greatest Simpsons episodes ever. This magical coyote sent Homer on a journey to find his soulmate, and along the way, I feel like we all learned a little bit about ourselves while watching this episode. Remember when the Simpsons used to be meaningful? Me neither. Anyway, this character also pays tribute to the only good thing about the Winnipeg Jets Phoenix Arizona Don't Call It That Coyotes.

Probably the only reason why I hate the Coyotes less than the fake Winnipeg Jets, well also the fact that Canadians are so mad that there's a team in Arizona. Keep on, keeping on, Yotes.

Gameday!

San Jose Sharks @ Arizona Coyotes

6:00pm PST

For Lease Arena

CSN-CA

Prediction:

I don't fucking know, man. Everyone is still dead and it is Friday the 13th, might as well play the whole game under a giant ladder. Sharks lose, 3-1. Lone goal from Mirco Mueller.

Setting the Tone:

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/3EiEX4tmCfY?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

It's now stuck in your head. You're welcome.

Tweet of the Day:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>We are ready for the first drunk wave &#10;<a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/Yotes?src=hash">#Yotes</a></p>&mdash; Koyotes Tacos (@KoyotesTacos) <a href="https://twitter.com/KoyotesTacos/status/566133509668880388">February 13, 2015</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

I take back the nice things I previously stated about the Coyotes

[Editor's note: I just realized that this is a restaurant and they are probably talking about the first wave of drunk people to come in and get food, but fuck The Wave]

Awful Hockey Tattoo of the Day:

How sad was this guy? Probably not as sad as he's going to be in a few years.