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Sharks Gameday: The Last Time..

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A visit to yesteryear to help us forget our troubles

so cringe worthy
so cringe worthy
Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

According to fans, it's official--The San Jose Sharks have been eliminated from playoff contention for the first time since the 2002-2003 season. It's kind of an amazing thing that they've accomplished, considering that there are 23 games left in the season and they are exactly zero points out of a playoff spot. The Oilers haven't even been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, yet the Sharks are. Typical Sharks, no matter what, finding every way that they can to be eliminated first.

The last time the Sharks missed the postseason, I was a freshman in high school, about to turn 15 years old, and did not give a shit about anything, including hockey. The only thing that has really changed in the past 12 years is my age.

Let's take a look at other events that occurred the last time the Sharks missed the postseason:

  • The Iraq War began
  • Martha Stewart was indicted
  • California Governor Gray Davis was recalled from office and Arnold Schwarzenegger succeeded him
  • Dunn's favorite movie, 2 Fast 2 Furious, was in theatres
  • The best movie of all time, Bad Boys II, was in theatres
  • The Kings traded for Sean Avery lololol
  • The worst movie of all time, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, was in theatres
  • The OC premiered and changed the way Orange County residents lived forever
  • Arrested Development premiered to help combat people from calling Orange County 'The OC'
  • Jer had just turned 47 years old
  • Futurama was canceled (first of like 8 times)
  • Robert Stack, host of Unsolved Mysteries, died and has been haunting me for the past 12 years
  • The Kings were absolutely horrible, which was nothing different in comparison to previous years
  • 55 million people in the midwest/northeast US plus Ontario, Canada lost power due to a software bug
  • R. Kelly's Ignition (Remix) was released and changed our lives forever
  • Nokia cell phones were apparently, still a thing, I think I had a samsung
  • The Ducks didn't have ugly jerseys and lost to the very boring Devils in the Stanley Cup Final
  • John Ritter died and I was overly upset for a week
  • Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines ruined the Terminator franchise
  • Steve Ott played his first NHL game and still fucking exists for some reason
  • The first 'is a hot dog a sandwich?' debate took place in front of the Lincoln Memorial
  • Lawrence v. Texas: The US Supreme Court declares sodomy laws unconstitutional (wow I'm so surprised that the state of Texas had a problem with the way people like to have sex)

Hopefully this walk down memory lane made you feel better about the Sharks. It didn't? Well I don't know what to tell you except go stock up on booze because it's going to be a long couple of months.


San Jose Sharks @ Dallas Stars

5:30pm PST

Backwards Thinking Arena



I honestly have no idea why the season is happening anyways, since the Dallas Stars have already won the 2014-2015 Stanley Cup back in July. Since the game is technically meaningless in that regard, the Sharks find a way to win, 3-2. Goals from Matt Nieto (from Long Beach, CA), Justin Braun, and Logan Couture.

Setting the Tone:

The theme song of the 2014-2015 San Jose Sharks.

"And when I wake up in the morning / I tell myself / today I'll make a change / but falling into my bed at night / I think 'man, it was a beautiful day / to stay the same'"

Tweet of the Day:

Hahahaha the Blackhawks want Scott Hannan, if that doesn't make you smile, I don't know what will.

Awful Hockey Tattoo of the Day:

Luv too get tatoo'd n prison