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BoC Gameday: Drink Irresponsibly

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Get ready for another Californian outdoor game with the best plan we can think of: DRINKING HEAVILY

Two cans is not nearly enough
Two cans is not nearly enough
Tom Szczerbowski-USA TODAY Sports

Tonight's the night, guys. Tonight marks the second annual NHL California Outdoor Classic! The greatest hockey fans in North America gather together with their boogie boards and bathing suits to bask in the glory that is California hockey. This year's outdoor game features the Los Angeles Kings and San Jose Sharks, two teams whose 32 matchups in the past three years could make the most levelheaded sports fan lose their fucking minds.

The tradition here at Battle of California is typically when the California teams are to play each other, we are to ridicule the opponent to a bloody pulp, but this game is different. Instead of making fun of Dustin Brown for being trash or the Sharks for constantly shorking, we shall come together and embrace how great our beautiful, golden state. Not only do we consist of the best weather, and the best food in North America, but we also host the greatest outdoor games.

Look at how absolutely miserable that is. Now, let's look at some California outdoor hockey action.

Fucking gorgeous.

Wearing shorts at an outdoor hockey rink while it is 70 degrees outside, the way the game was meant to be played.

Now Ryan and myself are not fond of the opposing all. We, in fact, harbor a lot of hatred for these teams. In honor of the spirit of California hockey, we have decided to join forces and bond with each other the only way we know how..through alcohol. To commemorate California hockey and to help ourselves and you, faithful Battle of California reader, get through the game tonight, we have created a drinking game! Please note that we are not responsible for any mistakes you make in result of the drinking game, but YOU are responsible for telling us about those mistakes.

Here is the first category. These are the common, everyday occurrences that happen with these teams and broadcasts that we have grown to know and despise for the most part. Some make us laugh. Some make us cringe. Others make us wonder why we are watching this at all and aren't instead doing something productive with our time instead. This is our ONE DRINK group.

  • Announcers mention the Sharks haven't won the cup
  • Dustin Brown falls down
  • The announcers mention Matt Nieto is from Long Beach
  • Dwight King makes a creepy face
  • The NBC guys talk over/interrupt each other
  • Joe Thornton passes instead of shoots
  • Announcers say "these two teams don't like each other"
  • Trevor Lewis gets leveled
  • Brent Burns causes the Kings to get an odd man rush
  • Announcers mention Hertl's sophomore year slump
  • The 3-0 series comeback gets mentioned
  • The Gretzky trade gets mentioned
  • They gush over the atmosphere of the stadium
  • Someone loses their helmet

Our next bunch are a little less common, but it makes them all the more special. These are also trademarks of the sport and specific players, that are plenty memorable but don't happen all the time. Though they certainly feel like it in some cases. Say hello to the "Two drinks" group.

  • Drew Doughty yells at a ref over a penalty call
  • Patrick Marleau misses an open net
  • Sharks take a delay of game penalty
  • Jarret Stoll takes an offensive zone penalty
  • Announcers call Jonathan Quick elite
  • A ref fucks up a hybrid icing call
  • Someone gets hurt and the camera cuts over to them hobbling down the tunnel
  • Disallowed goal due to goaltender interference
  • The announcers say "70s line"
  • Justin Williams is referred to as "Mr. Game Seven"
  • Announcers mention that Drew Doughty and Logan Couture are childhood friends

Next up we have the "Finish Your Drink" category. This should be fairly straightforward. As in you finish your drink. These are the moments we cherish. And in one case, the moments we mark down to collect royalties later on.

  • The announcers utter the words "Battle of California"
  • Jeremy Roenick makes a backhanded comment about Patrick Marleau
  • Jonathan Quick breaks his stick
  • John Fogerty yells "Go Niners!" at the end of his set accidentally
  • SmashMouth makes a surprise appearance

Now we have our super special group. The CHUG group. While these events occur, you chug your drink. Again, it's straightforward. These are very memorable events, so you should honor them properly by annihilating brain cells.

  • John Scott has the puck
  • Jonathan Quick throws a hissy fit
  • Darryl Sutter appears to be having a stroke
  • Chris Sutter makes an appearance

And of course...

  • John Scott scores a goal - SHOTGUN 20 BEERS IN A ROW


Boozin of California  resized

Prediction: Vomit. Lots of vomit.