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Kings Gameday: Elitist

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How can one man be so elite?

Elite neckbeard
Elite neckbeard
Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

The NHL, which has a long standing love affair with trios of astronomical lights, had their three stars of the week come out yesterday. Mister numero uno was Kings' goalie, Jonathan Quick. Ol' Johnny 40 oz. has had himself a rather up and down season. This goes with his previous up and down seasons, and, well, a rather up and down career. On his resume he has a Conn Smythe award, two Stanley Cup wins, and is a two time Olympian. His outright save percentage though is pretty lousy. The universe clearly loves Jonathan Quick.

Currently, the only bunch of active starting goalies that have won a Cup and made the Olympics are Quick, Antti Niemi, and Marc-Andre Fleury. Thomas and Khabibulin don't count because they've been sent to the goalie glue factory. Anyways, Fleury is always on the edge of a nervous breakdown, and Niemi regularly loses to Quick. In fact, in winning the Cup with Chicago, the Flyers counter to Niemi in the finals was Michael Leighton(?!). Chicago soon realized Niemi was that awful and pawned him off to a bunch of dorks who didn't know any better.

The last bunch of starting goalies that had two Cup victories were Martin Brodeur, Patrick Roy, and Chris Osgood/Dominik Hasek. One of these things is not like the others. And since the Red Wings are in town let's really examine Chris Osgood's track record, and see if he is comparable to the elitist of elites.


First off, Jonathan Quick is the Kings' go-to guy and since the dawn of time pretty much always has been. Chris Osgood on the other hand is like the girl you know who you're not really into, but when you aren't dating anyone else and are bored the two of you hook up because you know she always is game. Likely because of low self esteem. Osgood was on a rotation with other, more capable goalies, routinely getting dumped by the Red Wings. In 2008, Dominik Hasek was the Wings' go-to goalie but Osgood had to take over in the playoffs. Probably because the league wouldn't let Hasek roll out onto the ice in a gurney with a oxygen tanked hooked up to him. Quick has played in every game ever for the Kings since 1988. Point, Quick. So elite.


Jonathan Quick is American and awesome, whereas Osgood is Canadian and sad. Osgood was never put on the national teams, and therefore sucks. Quick is a two time Olympian, starter, and shootout hero. During the 2014 Olympics, Jonathan Quick stopped all fifteen shots by Russia in the shootout, and scored all fifteen goals for the Americans in the shootout as well. They do things differently in the Olympics. This bit of heroics won the Americans all three medals. Point again to Quick. Just too much elite.


Chris Osgood has the single greatest name to chant mockingly, followed closely by Jonas Hiller. Quick is only one syllable, and while Ducks and Sharks fan like to try and stretch one syllable words into two, it just sounds ridiculous. After bad goals, Osgood falls backwards into his net and rolls around like a dog in filth. It's absolutely disgusting. On the other end of the spectrum, Quick is dignified and screams at the refs and breaks stuff like he has been up all night listening to Limp Bizkit. I can only imagine people see this and think, "Wow, only an elite goaltender would be so passionate. I bet he is a hell of a lover." Jonathan Quick also shows he is one of us by drinking profusely and swearing on TV. It has inspired mayors, popes, and bloggers to do the same. All the points to Quick. He's just that elite.

preview 10/31

The Kings have won seven games in a row now because of their elite goaltending, elite defense, elite scoring, and elite coaching. Their elite fans are obviously excited and are back in playoff position. As of now. They could wind up being out of the playoffs again in like a day or two, but elite teams can recover. So in comes Detroit. They looked very not elite last night against the Ducks and lost in a shootout. Okay, they actually outplayed the Ducks by a landslide but fell asleep for four minutes and got lit up in that stretch.

In other news, Tanner Pearson is apparently healed. I can only assume this occurred because he came into contact with the elite presence of Jonathan Quick. Maybe he will be ready to go by March. That would be nice.

Prediction: Kings lose 7-5 because Quick is so elite. Goals by Kopitar, Gaborik (x2), Carter, and Toffoli.