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Sharks Gameday: Ray Ratto is my friend

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Let's examine my blossoming friendship with CSN favorite, Ray Ratto.

holy shit, my new phone background
holy shit, my new phone background
fear the fin

On Saturday night, I was struck by news that rattled me to my very core just a few minutes prior to that terrible Carolina-San Jose game:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p><a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/SJSharks?src=hash">#SJSharks</a> scratches are Scott, Vlasic and Kennedy. <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/CARvsSJS?src=hash">#CARvsSJS</a></p>&mdash; San Jose Sharks (@SanJoseSharks) <a href="https://twitter.com/SanJoseSharks/status/564263712010153985">February 8, 2015</a></blockquote>

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Upset, shrivering and crying on the bathroom floor at my aunt's house, I demanded answers.

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>Wait why is Vlasic scratched oh god someone help me 911 SOS</p>&mdash; SJ (@stace_ofbase) <a href="https://twitter.com/stace_ofbase/status/564263972950384641">February 8, 2015</a></blockquote>

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Nobody had an answer so I wrote several panic tweets in a row and then finally, a real insider gave me the hot scoop:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>He&#39;s naked and drunk at a bar. RT <a href="https://twitter.com/stace_ofbase">@stace_ofbase</a>: These motherfuckin&#39; insiders ain&#39;t inside as far as I&#39;m concerned, WHY IS VLASIC SCRATCHED</p>&mdash; Ray Ratto (@RattoCSN) <a href="https://twitter.com/RattoCSN/status/564266576497496064">February 8, 2015</a></blockquote>

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I can always rely on Ray to give me the truth about the San Jose Sharks. He's not some Bozo who would give John Scott a B in his midseason grades.

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>Hey, if you&#39;re fine with a baldfaced lie, I&#39;m your guy. RT <a href="https://twitter.com/stace_ofbase">@stace_ofbase</a>: you&#39;re the best insider ever</p>&mdash; Ray Ratto (@RattoCSN) <a href="https://twitter.com/RattoCSN/status/564266928131158016">February 8, 2015</a></blockquote>

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He's so modest. His truthful demeanor and 100% serious attitude is a part of our mission statement here at Battle of California so,

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>I&#39;d rather gouge my eyes out with a melon baller. RT <a href="https://twitter.com/stace_ofbase">@stace_ofbase</a>: would you be interested in writing at Battle of California?</p>&mdash; Ray Ratto (@RattoCSN) <a href="https://twitter.com/RattoCSN/status/564267538767298560">February 8, 2015</a></blockquote>

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<3 <3 <3 <3

A bunch of randos tried to infiltrate our lovely conversation we were having and Ray would not have any of it

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>Allow me to open an umbrella repeatedly up your nostril. RT <a href="https://twitter.com/tomecurran">@tomecurran</a>: <a href="https://twitter.com/stace_ofbase">@stace_ofbase</a> everybody knows that&#39;s a hobby of yours. Bad example.</p>&mdash; Ray Ratto (@RattoCSN) <a href="https://twitter.com/RattoCSN/status/564270037876211713">February 8, 2015</a></blockquote>

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I was impressed by his no nonsense attention so

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-conversation="none" lang="en"><p><a href="https://twitter.com/RattoCSN">@RattoCSN</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/tomecurran">@tomecurran</a> more like Bae Ratto❤️</p>&mdash; SJ (@stace_ofbase) <a href="https://twitter.com/stace_ofbase/status/564270233943154688">February 8, 2015</a></blockquote>

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......and he stopped responding.

I was obviously saddened by the abrupt ending to our conversation because we are friends and he didn't even say bye or anything. I didn't want to seem eager so I waited for the perfect opportunity to engage with him again

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p><a href="https://twitter.com/RattoCSN">@RattoCSN</a> I wish I had some of that cold medicine right now</p>&mdash; SJ (@stace_ofbase) <a href="https://twitter.com/stace_ofbase/status/564283361074503683">February 8, 2015</a></blockquote>

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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p><a href="https://twitter.com/RattoCSN">@RattoCSN</a> ....are you in my apartment</p>&mdash; SJ (@stace_ofbase) <a href="https://twitter.com/stace_ofbase/status/564283501868888064">February 8, 2015</a></blockquote>

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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>Yes, admitting to felony B&amp;E is what I&#39;m going to do now. Excellent question. RT <a href="https://twitter.com/stace_ofbase">@stace_ofbase</a>: ....are you in my apartment</p>&mdash; Ray Ratto (@RattoCSN) <a href="https://twitter.com/RattoCSN/status/564283843943731202">February 8, 2015</a></blockquote>

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Quite the smart ass, that Ray is.

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p><a href="https://twitter.com/stace_ofbase">@stace_ofbase</a> I&#39;d rather do time.</p>&mdash; Ray Ratto (@RattoCSN) <a href="https://twitter.com/RattoCSN/status/564284243975499776">February 8, 2015</a></blockquote>

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Little does Ray know, he just wrote my entire gameday post! Thanks for being the best friend ever, Ray!

Gameday!

San Jose Sharks vs. Calgary Flames

7:30pm PST

Sad Asshole Patrol Center

CSN-CA

Prediction:

Marc-Edouard Vlasic was placed on Injured Reserve and the Sharks are doomed probably but they'll probably play players who shouldn't play tonight and win so Kurz can write stupid tweets. Sharks win, 2-1 in overtime. Goals from John Scott and Magnus Thorsen III. Brandon Bollig with the lone Flames' goal.

Setting the Tone:

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/eQsIQ82jv7Q?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

This has nothing to do with anything it's just great

Tweet of the Day:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p><a href="https://twitter.com/Archaeologuy">@Archaeologuy</a> updated that for you, bud <a href="http://t.co/l17H658hVE">pic.twitter.com/l17H658hVE</a></p>&mdash; Mike FAIL (@mikeFAIL) <a href="https://twitter.com/mikeFAIL/status/564638528768733185">February 9, 2015</a></blockquote>

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Awful Hockey Tattoo of the Day:

Oh no.