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Kings Gameday: Condolences

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Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Sad Muzz
Sad Muzz
Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

The Kings lost. Er, a game that is. A regular season game. And came away with a point from it still. But that's not what is important. No, what was important is that Tyler Toffoli has just made me very, very rich. I still have to implement my business plan, find investors, and all that other crap that goes with getting filthy stinking rich, but I got a gold mine now. Also, don't steal my idea. I don't have a patent or anything like that, so I'm asking you to sit there and appreciate my innovation. Glad we have an understanding.

Anyways, Tyler did this on Saturday.

Thank you so much, Tyler. This has given me a plethora of ideas. To put Toffoli on condolence cards! It's perfect. For example, say someone died. Here's what you get their grieving family.

wake

Classy. Tasteful. Affordable. You can also give it to your Sharks fan friend and share a laugh before drinking heavily/murdering each other. But wait! There's more! It's not just for death, but other unfortunate events, too. Like, saaaay...getting fired!

canned

I actually had to edit myself out of that picture. These may be my highest seller I think. Just grab them preemptively for every college graduate you know! You can also grab my next card to give to the same people in a year or so after this one. Nothing beats a good ol' intervention, after all.

intervention

"Intervention! Intervention!" Ah yes. See? The mood is lightened already, plus you showed you cared. Hopefully It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia never catches wind of this and demands royalties. I might need that second card I had listed otherwise. Here's another one, though this one I thankfully have never had use for.

preggers

Lastly, if you know someone who has one of *those* roommates, this card is perfect for them. Though, seriously, if it's as dire as the card indicates, don't get them just the condolence card. Get them therapy.

roomies

Please invest in my business venture. For Tyler's sake.

avs preview

The Kings aren't getting a lot of help from the rest of their division. Thus, every game they don't get two points is a major setback. The forward lines got shuffled up a bit with Dwight King on the top line and Justin Williams on the fourth. It's...interesting. I'd say the defensive units have been more of the issue, though not the pair of Andrej Sekera and Brayden McNabb. Who knows what happens when Alec Martinez comes back, if that ever occurs.

Prediction: Kings lose despite another Toffoli hat trick.