Kings Gameday: Godspeed You! North Hillbillies

The Wild finally got their outdoor game planned! Congratulations, you inbred lot! There are a lot of hurdles yet to clear, however. Like, will the ice be too cold to freeze? Will the people cry too many tears of joy only to flood the stadium? Will the crowd break out into a weird frenzy of sibling fondling? These are the questions I don't want to answer, so I won't. There is also the huge question at hand still needing to be addressed. Where is this game being played at exactly?

Apparently, it is to be played at a place called TFC Bank Stadium. I can only assume that stands for Totally Fucks Cousins. The stadium is located on the University of Minnesota campus, which is adorable to think Minnesota has a place of higher learning. I can only assume the complex looks like such:

Obviously this is unacceptable. Looks like Minnesota will have to find a new place to play. Here's the viable options!

Target Field

Anything has to be an improvement of being forced to watch Minnesota Twins baseball, so this would easily be the best moment in the baseball stadium's young history. The downside is that you are outdoors in Minnesota.

The Metrodome

Wasn't this the name of Shredder's headquarters in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Unfortunately for Minnesota, Shredder is way cooler then the Metrodome's actual tenets, the Minnesota Vikings. It's the perfect spot for a Minnesota Wild outdoor hockey game! History! Capacity! Indoors! Unless the dome's roof caves in again.

Dairy Queen Treat Center at the Mall of America

The parking lot is the perfect setting for Minnesota's first outdoor game! Remember the iconic movie Fargo? Steve Buscemi gets shot in the face in a parking lot in Minnesota, even though Fargo is in North Dakota. Then after the game everyone can go to the DQ and get a Blizzard with a side of diabetes.

The Rose Bowl

A perfect setting in one of the biggest cities in the world, with near perfect weather year round, and an iconic venue. Not to mention the fans are the best in all of sports, and California is the official state of hockey. With a minor change of replacing the Minnesota Wild with the Los Angeles Kings, this would be the perfect venue and event for the NHL to showcase to the world.

Crap! Another preview I will have to update at some point.

Prediction: Kings lose, 3-1. Goal by Williams. Los Angeles awarded 2016 outdoor game for the hell of it though.