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Kings Gameday: Have a rad summer

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Get laid in the shade

"Are you there God? Pull my finger"
"Are you there God? Pull my finger"
Sergei Belski-USA TODAY Sports

While I've written the past few seasons about the Kings knocking other teams out, it is the first time I am writing about the Kings knocking themselves out. It was a rather Three Stooges like affair this year, and rather mercifully, it's over. Or maybe it's sad because they probably could have won another Cup had they just made the playoffs. That doesn't really matter though. They are dead.

And I'm free!

Sayonara suckers! I'm pretty excited about the time off. I've been sort of burnt out of hockey after having all my wildest (hockey only) fantasies come true last year, so here's some different things I can invest my time in:

  • Figuring out how the Kings can re-sign Justin Williams
  • Finding potential trading partners to acquire Mike Richards
  • Looking for a full time job for a change, instead of saying blogging is my full time job and getting laughed at
  • Dodgers?
  • Wait, nope they still aren't on TV
  • Watching clips of the 2012 and 2014 playoffs
  • Drugs!
  • Harassing Jer and his family
  • Ignoring Stace except when blaming her for my inappropriate tweets
  • Rehab for drug use
  • Masturbation
  • Seeing a dermatologist because of chaffing
  • Trying to explain to people I know that read BoC that it's written by a different guy named Dunn and I've never heard of this website and don't even like hockey

The Kings can work on trying to convince Joe Thornton to demand a trade to Los Angeles. Robyn Regehr and Jarret Stoll have plenty of time to check out new cities to move to. Jonathan Quick has plenty of time to drink. The Clippers have to be excited to have an arena to themselves though, but someone may need to remind the Staples Center crew to not lock up for the year.

Mostly, I think the Kings, and myself included, will spend some time doing anything else not hockey. For as bad as the Kings were at stretches this season, I don't think I ever heard the term "Cup hangover" mentioned, though it seemed like a perfect opportunity for that narrative. I certainly was experiencing that. Also, just normal hangovers. I suppose I am spoiled at this point with the Kings, so this level of mediocrity I had long built a tolerance to is lowered a bit with a few years of awesomeness. Those were easier times. Now, you'll just get me complaining (even more!) and hoping the Kings luck out and land Connor McDavid, while the Sharks get their draft pick revoked because Logan Couture bites a child's hand off at the local petting zoo.

The last thing I did for the Kings' season blog-wise was read some old posts by Rudy. I needed an idea of what to write  about with the Kings missing the playoffs, after all. There was a post of his from 2009 where the Kings beat the Oilers near the end of the season and Rudy gloated about how embarrassing that was and that the Kings were on the rise. The loss knocked out the Oilers more or less, who failed to put it together late in the season. You're a real bunch of grudge holding assholes, Edmonton.

fuck the preview

Prediction: Kings and Sharks implode in a suck-off.