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Battle of California Gameday: H.A.G.S.

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Have fun in the sun!

RIP bb boy
RIP bb boy
wordpress blog

Today's the day! We did it guys. We finally made it to the last day of the regular season, and good news for us, there's nothing left after this! We are all going to die. I'm sorry that you had to hear it from me.

On the off chance that we don't die and I get to enjoy the summer, although in all honesty, it is summer 24/7/365 in beautiful Southern California, I have made extensive summer plans.

  • Go to Del Taco 3-7 times a week
  • Drink at least 420 beers
  • Stalk Long Beach Native Matt Nieto in Long Beach, California
  • Drink at least 69 beers on Free Agency Day
  • Drive Ryan out to the desert and leave him for dead
  • Spend 500 hours campaigning my Scott Hannan to Chicago movement
  • Talk about the Los Angeles Kings missing the playoffs at least 8 times a day
  • I guess try and get Jared out of that elevator he has been stuck in the past 10 months
  • Upset at least 25 Minnesotans
  • Go running at least oncahahahaha
  • Eat one salad, and when I say salad, I mean, don't ask the server to hold the lettuce and tomato when I get a cheeseburger
  • Watch Hannibal and True Detective (Hannibal is better imo)
  • Work on mah tan
  • Get hired and fired by a NHL social media account
  • Send sexy DMs with Steve Simmons
  • Pray every single evening that Joe Thornton and Patrick Marleau will never leave me. (to be clear, ME, not the sharks, fuck them)
  • Go to Las Vegas (I haven't been in a year and a half, and it's bullshit, guys)
  • Watch Orange is the New Black
  • Paint a mural of John Scott pulling a big rig with his teeth in a San Jose Sharks mesh tank top
  • Flip over a car in Vancouver
  • Watch the Sharks sign Steve Ott
  • Watch the Anaheim Ducks lose in 5 to the Winnipeg Jets
  • Teach a Kings fan how to read
  • Teach a Blues fan how to put on deodorant
  • Teach a Ducks fan about marriage equality
  • Sing 'Baby When The Lights Go Out' by 5ive at karaoke
  • Pretend to care about the Draft weekend, stop after about two minutes
  • Propose a bill to President Obama that bans all NHL Draft Simulators
  • Watch at least 15 high speed pursuits on KCAL9
  • Talk about how great California is at least 10 times a day
  • Ask Taylor Hall if a hot dog is a sandwich and have him reply with yes
It's been a wild first season for me at Battle of California, and I appreciate you guys for taking the time to read my vulgar jokes and look at my poop graphs. The Sharks side of the blog and the Sharks in general, are in the midst of a rebuild, and I hope my part of the rebuild wasn't as painful as the team's rebuild. I'm sure the Sharks will trick me into caring about them one way or another and then disappoint the hell out of me as usual. I'll catch you guys on the flip side, time to go bodyboard and eat tacos like a motherfucking champion blogger who writes about a non-playoff contending team. Have fun writing five more posts, Jared. Ryan, I'll buy the first usual.


San Jose Sharks @ Los Angeles Kings

12:00pm PST (lol)

The Shittest Place in the Whole Entire World Center

NBC (hahahaha how disappointing for them)


Regular season doesn't matter.

Setting the Tone:

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Tweet of the Day:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>Looks like Justin Williams is changing his name to * * Mr. Hole 7. ⛳️</p>&mdash; stace_offlams (@stace_ofbase) <a href="">April 10, 2015</a></blockquote>

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/two finger kiss to God

Awful Hockey Tattoo of the Day:

That's 11 more years of our goaltender having worse tattoos than yours