The Fake Jets have been around for a while now, but since no one really cares or pays attention to them aside from the mole people of Manitoba, they fly a bit under the radar. Luckily, the bloggers here at BoC for the three California teams have been chronicling the franchise's existence for years, and we've learned a few things along the way.
Here's a crash course of some of what we've learned about Winnipeg, the Jets, and the insecure fans who root for them (click on each headline for more info)...
- The last time this team was in the playoffs it was a disaster.
This is a team with no history and nothing of note to look back on.
- Everyone there is racist.
The city drove Evander Kane out of town because they feel that black people shouldn't be allowed to have money or fun.
- They're afraid of naughty words.
In our Hockey Blog Profanity Rankings, it was determined that Arctic Ice Hockey, SB Nation's Winnipeg Jets blog, only had two posts with the fuck-word in them last year. Cowards.
- They're disgusting, gluttonous, diabetic pig-people.
Seriously, who needs a kiddie-pool full of Slushee? The trash-citizens of Winnipeg, that's who.
- Everyone there is living off of black-market moose meat.
What in the holy fuck?
- The Winnipeg Mayor's Office probably shouldn't be on Twitter.
Of course, if I lived in Winnipeg, I'd be looking for anything in the world to distract me from my grim life, so I understand dicking around on Twitter all day. Hey guys, on that note, follow me on Twitter!
- The city obtaining some used "bendy" buses is one of the most exciting things to happen to them.
What a joyless existence.
- Nobody can even remember who is actually on the team.
Forgettable in every possible way.
- There's a bit of a moose problem there.
Holy hell, I thought stories like this were just things of myth. But people really live this way!
- All of Canada's sex offenders live in Winnipeg.
A city of despicable subhumans.
- Five awful things about Winnipeg.
Their name is bad, their crime is bad, their history is bad, their climate is bad... Everything about the whole city is unberable and sad.
- We'd all rather talk about literal human shit than talk about Winnipeg.
... That's probably a good place to end this list.
Regular Season Series Gameday Posts
- Dec 7th, Ducks @ Jets: Racists Hate Evander Kane (Ducks 4-3 OT)
- Dec 13th, Ducks @ Jets: Evander Kane's Haircuts (Ducks 4-1)
- Jan 11th, Jets @ Ducks: Earl Sleek's Retirement Tips for Selanne (Ducks 5-4 SO)
Thursday, Apr 16, 2015, 7:30 PM PDT
The Jets could have really used Evander Kane in this one.