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No Coach, No Captain, No Playoffs, No Jobs, No Hope, Mo' Money, Mo' Problems

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Shorks gon' shork

DO YOU SEE THE PLAYERS THEY MAKE ME WORK WITH? - todd right before he died
DO YOU SEE THE PLAYERS THEY MAKE ME WORK WITH? - todd right before he died
Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

This morning it was announced that the San Jose Sharks will be parting ways with head coach Todd McLellan but don't worry guys, it was mutual.

Let me tell you a little something about mutual breakups, guys--they are non-existent. It's something that you say so you don't look like a giant loser. It's something that the dumper (lol butts) says to make you feel better about being a giant loser.

Todd got dumped hard, and the organization is trying to do him a solid when everyone knows that Doug Wilson doesn't find his coaching abilities attractive anymore. The organization will most likely rebound with a giant mistake to help boost their self-esteem again. Let's look at the potential candidates

  • Randy Carlyle
  • John Tortorella
  • Craig Berube
  • Jeremy Roenick
  • Mike Milbury
  • Michael Moore (Sharks Playoff Collapse was an inside job)
Sure, it would be a hell of a ride and exciting in every sense of the word, but at what cost. The Sharks need to take their time and find the right guy, but knowing how desperate and impulsive they often get, a mistake will most likely be made after 10 vodka sodas by the end of the week.

Todd McLellan completely lost the team well over a season ago, and it's been a long time coming, but damn it, he's a better candidate than everyone else who is available currently. I'm going to miss that man who is a hybrid of George Lopez and Patton Oswalt. He got us one win in the Western Conference Final and that day will forever hold a special place in my heart. Im'a hang up a banner for you, big guy.

Now that we are in this whole new era of having absolutely nothing, keep the party going and get Doug Wilson the fuck out of here. Also, please hire Babcock. Or perhaps Sutter, we would never make him wallow in garbage.