Ray Ratto Is My Friend, Part Deux

[Read Ray Ratto is my Friend Part One Here]

Ray Ratto and I are friends. It is one of the few joys that I have left as a hockey fan. You could say that he is a .....Ray Of Sunshine. Anyway, although previously Ray said that he would rather gauge his eyes out with a melon baller than contribute to Battle of California, I caught him on a good day and he decided to comply. Because apparently I still have to cover the San Jose Sharks, I asked him some questions about them, because no one is better suited, frankly. And also, no one has the ability to upset San Jose fans quite like Ray Ray does.

@Real_ESPNLeBrun In San Jose, now they chant "We Can't"

— Ray Ratto (@RattoCSN) May 4, 2014

Note for our pal Drew Remenda: Stop saying "San Jose Sharks" every 20 seconds. We know where the hell they're from

— Ray Ratto (@RattoCSN) February 16, 2011

I'm convinced: Remenda says "San Jose Sharks" as often as he does because he knows it's the key to some tavern drinking game in Saskatchewan

— Ray Ratto (@RattoCSN) December 9, 2011

Game 7 will be in San Jose Wednesday night. Alex Stalock will be here now.

— Ray Ratto (@RattoCSN) April 27, 2014

Sadly, Ray Ray hasn't been covering San Jose as much as I'd enjoy, as he mostly covers Bay Area baseball and basketball, which has proven to be more successful as of late than their stick & puck team.

Win lots of playoff games = Be graced with Ray Ratto

Miss the playoffs = Unlimited hot taeks from Kevin Kurz

le sigh. Anyway, I asked him some questions surely to both thrill and excite you.

1. Yesterday the Sharks announced that they are hiring Pete DeBoer to replace Todd McLellan as head coach. What do you think he will do to improve the team?

RR: More picnics, different pitch to his lectures to players, taking writers out for beers more often.

2. Piggybacking off of the first question, how is DeBoer going to make the team worse?

RR: More cookouts, speaking in Dutch when he delivers his lectures to players, setting fire to writers after a tough loss.

3. Of the available upcoming UFAs, who would be essential for the Sharks to sign in the offseason to help them not be so terrible? Should Doug Wilson live dangerously and offer sheet an RFA? If so, who?

RR: They don't dabble much in the open market, believing the pipeline will always provide, so I'll pass on this unless they can get Jonathan Marchessault for the coolness of his name.

4. Do you think the San Jose Sharks will ever make the Stanley Cup final? If so, when?

RR: No. And 2018. In that order.

5. Fuck, Marry, Kill

• Joe Thornton
• Patrick Marleau
• Joe Pavelski

RR: Yes. Yes. Maybe. Or not.

6. Is a hot dog a sandwich?

RR: Yes, of course it is, and anyone who thinks otherwise is by definition a nightmare of impaired cognition.

7. Who is going to win the Stanley Cup this year?

RR: Barcelona.

Congratulations, Ray Ratto, you beat us at our own game. You tricky, tricky bastard. You can follow him on twitter and be pissed off at him, here.