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More BoC Site Analytics

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How you idiots found your way to reading the words written by us idiots this season.

A few weeks ago I was talking to a BoC reader, and he indicated that one of the things he likes is when I take a look into the Google Analytics for the site and see what brings you jerks to Battle of California. I figure all you idiots are pretty much the same, so you probably like it when I do this too.

I've done this a few times now (and I'll occasionally drop some of this info on Twitter), and now is as good a time as any to do it again.

As a refresher for those of you who have no idea what Google Analytics is, here's what I've previously written about the service:

Google Analytics can tell us all sorts of crazy things about our users (how they get here, what technology they use, how long they stay on the site or on particular pages, what pages are popular, etc), but some of the most fun information is found in the section detailing what search terms people enter in to Google and other search engines that lead them to Battle of California.

So once again I'm diving in to these search terms, and I'm narrowing the time frame down to October 8, 2014 - June 15th, 2015 so that we're looking only at what brought people to the site during the most recent regular/post NHL season. Here's what I've found...

  • A disturbingly high number of people find our site by searching for various derivatives of "sexy Asians." Considering how low of a priority that we place on posting Sexy Asian News articles, this is odd.
  • Five people found our site searching for "busty cops," presumably all Paul Blart fans.
  • There were over 75 people who found the site searching for information about Winnipeg (and this only counts the people who were able to actually spell the city name correctly, which seems to be difficult for many people), and most of them are asking questions like "why is Winnipeg so violent" or "what's wrong with Winnipeg" or "is Winnipeg the worst city in Canada" or "why is Winnipeg so bad" or "why is Winnipeg so poor" or... well, you get the point. When they're not asking why Winnipeg is the way it is, they're just telling us about how awful it is, it seems...
  • winnipeg horrible place
    winnipeg awful
    winnipeg awful city
    winnipeg canadas worst city
    winnipeg is awful
    winnipeg is bad
    winnipeg is horrible
    winnipeg people are weird
    winnipeg seems awful
    winnipeg terrible city
    winnipeg the worst
    winnipeg was the coldest city in the world with a population of over 600,000
  • One person found us by searching "thought about domestic violence," and to them we say just don't do it, bro.
  • 14 people searched for variations of "is autralia a real place," which means there are fourteen people out there that may still believe in Australia. Get a fucking life.
  • Two people found us searching for "how to do a blow job." ProTip: With your mouth.
  • "appropriate pictures of poseidon" surely led somebody to the right place.
  • Two people came here via "pisshole pics." I don't know man.
  • Someone asked for "a negative thing in manitoba." If you're still looking, the answer is Winnipeg.
  • "cockbattle," somebody must have found out about me and Dunn's private game.
  • Looks like Steve is vanity-searching his name again: "idiot steve simmons from the to sun"
  • Someone asks: "where did the tradition come frommothers typically do not show their baby to anyone except the father, the midwife and other close relatives for forty days after the baby is born." Answer: It started when someone had some ugly sad sack of shit baby that they were too embarassed to show anyone for a month and a half.
  • Somebody searched for the name of the Battle of California documentary before we even told anyone about it: "narcissism and abuse"

I think this might be a good place to stop. These are all just the tip of the iceberg, but I don't have all day to go through these searches man.

BONUS: Here's one you almost missed if you're not following me on twitter...