Greetings, folks! Rudy here. I'm taking a break from my fabulous life to delve back into the shit with you losers and announce a very exciting project: Battle of California is unveiling a new monument!
Step aside, Lincoln Memorial!
Move it or lose it, Arlington National Cemetery!
Go fuck yourself,
I'm proud to give you, the loyal readers of the 2nd best website on God's green Earth (we'll get you someday, Breitbart.com!), an exclusive look at Battle of California's new monument:
The Arby's© Bathroom of Champions!
Look at that majesty, folks. Battle of California utilized its incredible know-how and California's lax environmental laws to get this bathroom dedicated to the good people that make up this website and the shitstains that read it.
(Here I am legally obligated to state that this memorial is in no way affiliated with Arby's Restaurant or Roark Capital Group. The monument is simply a bathroom that resides in an Arby's. They officially denounce our organization and angrily ask that Dunn please come pick up his pants.)
But now, what to do with this magic place? Offer tours? Let it serve as a holding pen for Jer's monstrous baby? Write "Meg is a wiener" on the wall? Well I already did that last one so we can't do that again.
Battle of California writers past and present met to determine how to best use this free space
we conned from Arby's we were generously given. After much deliberation and a fair amount of grain alcohol, it was decided that we should use this space as a shrine to the ideals of this great website. It would be like a Mount Rushmore of sorts, except smaller and with one or two less minorities encased inside.
But, instead of honoring lame asses who did stupid things like "owned a lot of slaves" and "freed the slaves" and "shot a shit load of bears," we'll be honoring true heroes. People who achieved greatness, won acclaim, and embody the Californiness that this site was created to celebrate.
Each week, Battle of California writers and alums will announce a new inductee into the Arby's Bathroom of Champions.
Each week, you will be able to take a moment of your day to honor the great men and women who have made this website so great.
Each week, you'll forget to make a doctor's appointment to check out that mole and blow off your mom's urgent texts to just let her know you're alive.
Each week, you'll touch the stars.
Now, if you please: will you join me in this fast food bathroom and experience pleasures untold?