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Sharks Gameday: Glamourtown, USA

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The sexy, sexy Red Wings come to down for a game...of romance!

Simply Ravishing.
Simply Ravishing.

Red, the color of lust. Wings, the transportation of choice for beautiful angels. The Red Wings mean love, and love means getting worked up over ever-so-out-of-focus boudoir shots, at least for me. So I put together a stroke book made up of images chosen from the first row of Google image search with the first name of the top 5 Red Wings scorers plus "glamour shots". Feel the engorging tingels of physical love, friends!


henrik glamour shot smaller

Hubba hubba! Those bedroom eyes. I could get lost in them. I honestly didn't expect an actual erotic photograph of Henrik Zetterberg to show up. I guess I was lucky. I'd mutton his chops, if you know what I mean, and I think you do!


dylan glamour shot

Uh, moving on.


tomas glamour shot

Oh yeah, here we go. "Simply ravishing." You said it, Tomas. The bonus mustachioed Little Man From Another Place from Twin Peaks on his wrestling pants stimulates the mind, the most important sex organ.


gustav glamour shot

"But that's not Gustav Nyquist!" you might protest. There is no WRONG Gustav, in my book. Sure, he looks like he's about to take a bite out of a novelty puck, but his cheeks are clearly flushed from the sultry looks I've been flashing him. The fact that this image was stolen from Getty Images makes it all the more enticing, as it has the whiff of the forbidden.


Justin glamour shot

Fuck. Yes. Don't bother me, I'll be in my bunk.

Red Wings @ Sharks

7:30 PM Pacific

Prediction: I said I was in my bunk, go away.