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Kings Gameday: Dishonoring a legend

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It's over

Getting intimate
Getting intimate
Jeff Gross/Getty Images

So the Kings decided to take me up on my last post regarding possibly upgrading their defensive corps. They sort of just went horizontal, maybe diagonally. It's tough to say. Luke Schenn has been a relative disappointment. Relative only in the fact that every team he has played for up until now has been fucking terrible. Schenn is only 26 still, and could be a pretty serviceable. It's not the worst pick up, seeing as Schenn is in the last year of a contract.

Less serviceable, a lot older, and more expensive is Vincent Lecavalier. He was part of this trade also, while the Kings sent over the perpetual healthy scratch, Jordan Weal. Weal follows in the long storied history of Kings prospective centers who were small and not trusted by Darryl Sutter. Like Linden Vey before him, and Andrei Loktionov before that, Weal predictably didn't have a future long term with the Kings.

Lecavalier however...

He's terrible now. He's slow, his skills have evaporated, and I don't think he was ever particularly renown for having a great two-way game. He is big however, so yee-haw. In fact, the only way the Kings took him on was if he promised to retire at the end of the season. Dean Lombardi is the most effective mafia boss I have ever seen. But again there was one huge issue.

What. The. Nutsacks.

I know all of you are aware of our last #44 wearing demigod. Saint Robyn Regehr. This is a slap in the face of a legend, a champion, and a gentle lover (assumption) that will not be tolerated.

regehr 1

This number was to be retired, lifted to banners initially, and then to the heavens. It should be carved into the damn moon, specifically for the resemblance it holds to Regehr's appearance. Instead some ass hat named Vinny will tarnish this numeral destined only for heroes.

regehr 2

The fact the Kings allowed this is shocking and appalling. Perhaps it was the only way to get Lecavalier to agree to this early retirement: To let him wear the number of a much more lovable, successful Christ figure.

regehr 3

I will not bow to this new double four wearing impostor however. For tonight's game I ask all Kings fans to stand behind our one true lord and savior, Dr. Robyn Regehr Skywalker Christ, and shave our heads. Throw his favorite meal of boiled peanuts and whole milk onto the ice. Don't let this new guy into our hearts where we affectionately have our "Luv U Robyn" tattoos.

Regehr

leafs preview

The last time the Kings played the Maple Leafs they looked about as energetic as myself after four hits of NyQuil. Coincidentally, the Kings looked that way in their last game against the Avalanche, so maybe they are waking up from their 62 hour slumber.

As for this trade...I hated it at first, until I saw that it was basically a one year move. It certainly tightens up the cap space for the season barring injury or a salary dump, but I didn't see the Kings realistically making a big move in the forward ranks. It's sort of sad to Weal go, but I knew he wasn't gonna stick with the team. His carrying of the puck out behind the net right through the middle and crashing into Jamie McBain sealed his fate probably. Schenn strikes me as Matt Greene type with some offensive potential. Cautious optimism is about as far as I will go with him.

Prediction: In Lecavalier's first shift, Robyn Regehr flaps down onto the ice and rips his jersey off of him. The Leafs score five times during this sequence and the Kings lose, but we all cheer anyways.

dumbo regehr