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Kings Gameday: You deserve nothing

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You're a no sport town

How did this even happen
How did this even happen
Jasen Vinlove-USA TODAY Sports

While I have come to understand that this is a hockey blog, today we are gonna focus on something else.

FUUUUUUUUUUUBAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Or less commonly referred to as "American football". There's not a lot of feet involved, and the ball is more of a large suppository that is made from dried bladders. Everyone loves it to see downs touched, and large men run around like a pack of well organized bees. And there's a lot of it on this weekend.

The weird thing about foochbalt however is that Los Angeles doesn't have a team. New Jersey has two, Indianapolis has one, and even a made up place that sounds miserable called Jacksonville has one. It is a crime. L.A. used to have frumpboil teams with the Raiders (who moved from Oakland and then back to Oakland), the Chargers (briefly and now in San Diego), and the Rams (L.A. to St. Louis thanks to their shitbag former owner).

The Raiders carry the bubonic plague with them, so Los Angeles rather not have them back. The Chargers have cried about being poor, invested no money into their team, and claim any other team in L.A. will ruin them financially. All of this despite 20 years of siphoning fans from all of Southern California and not doing anything to improve their franchise. We in the business call this "fucking loads of bullshit, you greedy jackass." The Rams left for money, had Missouri pay for everything, and still think St. Louis was a mistake. Missouri and St. Louis are once again throwing public money at the Rams but they've had enough. They hate you St. Louis. The owner, the staff, the coaches, and the players. I heard it from them directly.

It's understandable. The Rams players came out supporting the Black Lives Matter movement before a game and got blasted by the city. St. Louis fans much prefer chanting "go back to Africa" at baseball games anyways. The cop who is pretty much responsible for being the ignition point for all of that is, well...

Go St. Louis go.

So your fuukbell team hates you. They don't even want your money anymore. They are done with you. Maybe they come back to L.A., maybe they don't. But they're leaving. Maybe the Blues want to distance themselves from you also. They did all get some weird disease staying in your city. I think a trip to Quebec would be a nice treat for them. They would barely need to change their identity there. Blue to Bleu. That's it. You can focus on retrieving brains, morans. You don't have time for hockey. Plus going to Canada is perfect because they could use another lousy team everyone hates up north.

You have become a city so grotesque and unsavory you have been renamed "The Mos Eisley of America". No one else wants anything to do with you anymore. No one else can even put up with you. Well, except your baseball team. You can keep the Cardinals.

blues preview

Prediction: The Blues relocate in the middle of the game, win, and are immediately handed the Stanley Cup right then and there. Their new home of Hartford, Connecticut goes wild.