Islands, ranked

Delete all Wikipedia pages on islands, they are now unnecessary. Here is the definitive ranking of islands.

1. Sandwich Islands (aka Hawaii) - sandwiches are delicious
2. Treasure Island - self-explanatory
3. Galapagos Islands - evolution is great
4. Tristan da Cunha - the world’s most remote island, and it has a pub
5. The Cyclades - mythical, fun to say, recommended
6. Bounty Islands - big fan of bounty right here
7. Pitcairn Islands - fun to say
8. Christmas Island - does not apply to heathens
9. Easter Island - same
10. The Balaeric Islands - fine, if you like DJs and STDs
11. Society Islands - unless you’re some sort of deluded libertarian
12. The Dodeconese Islands - kind of a mouthful, but pretty
13. Solomon Islands - people are very wise hear, I understand
14. Pearl Islands - there probably aren’t any pearls here, but just in case
15. The Antipodes - I’m not one of those Podes-loving schmucks
16. Channel Islands (California) - particularly the ones with teeny tiny foxes, they’re adorable
17. South Sandwich Islands - it’s better if you don’t have to qualify it, but they’re still delicious, if cold
18. Isle of Man - impressive sounding, if a bit sexist
19. Canary Islands - I know this is named after dogs, not birds, and I love dogs, but an island group overrun with dogs sounds terrifying
20. Ascension Island - cool if you’re Jesus, but whatevs
21. Turtle Islands - not compelling, sorry
22. Baffin Island - Canadian
23. The Seychelles - the pronunciation/spelling always bothered me, sorry about the global warming, etc.

...

4597. Staten Island - the Wu Tang at least likes you

4598. Long Island - sucks

Sharks @ Islanders

4:00 PM Pacific

Prediction: some Island-lover is going to dispute these factual findings