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Texas, stop

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Can't wait to die? Go to Texas!

Shot by Lee Harvey Oswalt
Shot by Lee Harvey Oswalt
Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

Let's just stop right now. The Kings are going to maybe win fifteen games this year. That's not important. Here's what is:

We are all going to die.

Maybe not today or even tomorrow. But we are all going to die at some point. Though Texas wants us to die faster than we are ready for, unless you are Eric Staal who just cannot wait. But Texas hates us. Whether it is because we believe in evolution, or just that we don't care about them seceding, everything is deadlier in Texas.

John F. Kennedy died in Texas (bad). Antonin Scalia died in Texas (not bad). Dignity died in Texas (eh). Close to 7,000 people died in custody in Texas, though to be fair that's likely welcomed versus being in lockup in the Lone Star State. Plus, you are likely just in line to be killed anyways. The proudest moment in Texas history? The Alamo. Where, you can probably guess, everyone died. But, hey? That's Texas.

Always relevant.

So if you are going to the game tonight in Texas, look out! You might die. The Kings players? Might die too. It nearly happened to poor Rich Peverley for no other reason than being in Texas. Jonathan Quick? He was on life support but is now dead too. At least for three months. Maybe the Kings will get one of those elusive fifteen wins I mentioned though.

Prediction: Someone dies. Kings lose 4-1.