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Thr Dee Trout Wed Rings

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Detroit Red Wings v San Jose Sharks Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

I’m in a bit of a food coma from the first part of my friend Ashwin’s Hindu wedding. It started at 8:00 AM this morning, and ended after lunch at 1:30. It was my first Hindu wedding, and I’ve got a couple thoughts:

  • The wedding party attire beats the crap out of western weddings. Ashwin, his dad, and Leslie’s dad all got to go shirtless with loose dothis. The rest of the men got to wear colorful kurtas. The women wore silk sarees. NOBODY COORDINATED, and it was awesome.
  • A+ to a wedding porch swing for the bride and groom. If the ceremonies are going to last for hours, get a porch swing. If this was a traditional wedding hammock, even better.
  • It’s so refreshing to go to a religious site where NOBODY GIVES A FUCK WHETHER YOU BELIEVE THEIR SHIT OR NOT.
  • The necklace ceremony (roughly equivalent to western wedding rings) was pretty moving.
  • Having a super long greeting line where everyone individually throws rice at you as a blessing seems kind of a tough way to end the ceremony. I mean, everyone was nice about it, but you’re still having roughly 10 pounds of rice scattered on your head and upper torso over the course of 30 minutes.
  • Every kid in attendance was super well behaved...due to the sweet sounds of a saxophone/drum combo. Seriously, as soon as the sax stopped, kids started to cry. Then they’d start up again and the kids would relax. I think I should start blasting "Careless Whispers" 24-7 until the election to maintain the peace.

What about hockey?

Right. So, Martin Jones is kind of bad right now, and that’s too bad because if he had not been outplayed by Fleury (LOLOLOL) the Sharks could have won the Stanley Cup. They massively outshot and mostly carried play against the Penguins, so they’re the Corsi Stanely Cup Champions, and that’s pretty cool. I’m attending the parade in my Excel spreadsheet...see you there!

The Sharks play the Red Wings tonight in a game I won’t watch until much later because I’ll be at the reception. The Red Wings are a confused group of mediocre players, and their fans are still pretending that Datsyuk utterly fucking them over was totally fine and he still loves them deep down. IT’S FINE, OK? IT WASN’T US, IT WAS HIM NEEDING TO WORK THROUGH HIS ISSUES.

Sharks @ Red Wings

4:00 PM Pacific

Prediction: The dulcet tones of an alto sax soothe the audience, leading to peace between the teams and the first mutually agreed upon tie in the NHL.