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If a team plays in Ottawa, does it actually exist?

I sure don't know.

doesn't understand the point of giving any trophy to a made up franchise
doesn't understand the point of giving any trophy to a made up franchise
Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

*checks Kings' website*


Oh wait it's just Ottawa. Does that even count? Half of us probably don't even know where Ottawa is located, fewer probably know it's the capital of Canada, and even fewer actually are at the games. Probably because, yes, they aren't in Ottawa still.

Other things that still haven't changed about Ottawa:

  • Their logo is horrendous and looks like you just told him you can't use the bathroom because it's for employees only.
  • The black "O" is still a marketing device for Canadian Tire.
  • It's still applicable for counting Stanley Cups, too.
  • No one knows who is on this team, or even coaching this team. Seriously, if you google "head coach of the Ottawa Senators" you get two results. One of which is Marc Crawford.

whos coach is it anyways

  • Their roster is fictional.
  • Except Erik Karlsson.
  • Karlsson is not as good as Drew Doughty.

If you don't believe their roster is entirely fictional, their second leading scorer behind Karlsson (of course) is a guy named Ryan Dzingel. It's a Danzig Christmas album? Like what the fuck is this? Oh and remember hamburger goalie? Yeah me neither, but he sucks now.

The Senators are a weird concoction of a team, and no one pays attention to them except when they remember at 11 AM to check their schedule to find out who their team is playing and then it's "Ottawa?" They are the Ann Veal of NHL teams, and it's as Sens as the nose on plain's face.

It is nice that Canada has a version of the Carolina Hurricanes, but hey even they won at some point. You could at least try for different jerseys though. Shit, Carolina even has a Erik Karlsson of their own now. Oh well, at least they got Justin Trudeau please help us Justin I am so scared.

Prediction: Kings lose 6-2 against goals by Dzingel, Trukaluka, Weebly, Poopooplatta, the ghost of Bobby Ryan, and Just Rob Yep Just Rob.