The vacuum of space

Every time we play the Hurricanes, I feel like I’m being tricked. This is a real NHL team? Who are their fans? It’s got to be a front for a money laundering racket, right?

The roster has a couple of sorta recognizable names and a bunch of generated video game names.

• Jeff Skinner - ok
• Victor Rask - probably real
• Jordan Staal - very likely
• Sebastian Aho - nope
• Lee Stempniak - oh yeah, that guy
• Teuvo Teravainen - ridiculous
• Noah Hanifin - probably not
• Justin Faulk - meh
• Jaccob Slavin - nope
• Ron Hainsey - vaguely familiar
• Klas Dahlbeck - nuh uh
• Brett Pesce - lol
• Elias Lindholm - sure, “Alias”
• Viktor Stalberg - pretty sure he’s played in a game I’ve watched before
• Andrej Nestrasil - not sure
• Joakim Nordstrom - no way
• Bryan Bickell - Ok, I know this guy
• Ryan Murphy - who knows?
• Jay McClement - seems legit
• Matt Tennyson - deja vu
• Brock McGinn - fanfic hero
• Derek Ryan - ...?

Still, we always end up playing the “Hurricanes”, and ironically it’s always the kind of game where the oxygen level in the space station is dropping to critical and everyone is disoriented and desperate and lethargic and the 3rd billing star dies and it’s very sad.

Sharks @ Hurricanes

4:00 PM Pacific

Prediction: I can’t feel...my...hands...is...th...is...th...e...e...nnn...dddd...?