clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Gorilla f***ing Corncob

Yeah you know who I am talking about

By Get'rDunn
the 'A' stands for ASSHOLE
the 'A' stands for ASSHOLE
Perry Nelson-USA TODAY Sports

The Kings, after a spate of pretty great deals, had some pretty horrendous ones. Wayne Simmonds and Brayden Schenn for Mike Richards , Patrick O'Sullivan for Justin Williams, Jack Johnson for Jeff Carter, Matt Frattin for Marian Gaborik, and Brayden McNabb for...whoever. All pretty good to unbelievably awesome deals. But then there is Teddy Purcell for Jeff Halpern, a first for Andrej Sekera, and bringing back Scuderi's corpse while having to pay it to decompose. Dustin Penner we will call a wash, and the Lecavalier/Schenn deal was okay since neither stuck around and their shitty utilization was more on Sutter. I'll count Robyn Regehr's trade as a plus because I had a source of easy material to rant about.

But then there is the ultimate clunker. Milan fucking Lucic.

For, well, pretty much ever really, Dean Lombardi had a huge General Boneager for Milan Lucic because he likes giant pieces of shit big guys. Coming off a pretty dismal season where the defense was banged up/arrested, and two pivotal pivots were on their way to the glue factory, the Kings needed a jolt. Instead of just signing up better third line center or winger and keeping Justin Williams around, they went and finally got Lucic.

It cost a first round pick (of which the Kings have about, oh, -4 now), Colin Miller, and Martin Jones. Thankfully for the Kings, Lucic was pumped to be on the Kings and looooooooved Los Angeles. He hung out at the beach. He talked about how happy his family was here. He did chest bumps like an idiot with Alec Martinez.

He left for the Edmonton Oilers for 6 million dollars for the next half century.

I don't blame Lucic for leaving. It's a business, and the Kings frankly did not have the financial capability to keep him. Plus, I think they are better off in the short term (if they ever get healthy enough), but mostly in the long run. But here's my problem with this guy. I had to put up with his dumb ass for a whole god damn season. Not knowing how to back-check (Dwight King can even do that!), passing up golden shooting chances (oh hey Nick Shore!), and taking belligerent stupid penalties (he made Drew Doughty and Jonathan Quick look like the non-flammable type of Buddhists).

Sure that draft pick given up produced this gem

but what else? NOTHING.

Miller of course won the fastest skater AND hardest shot in the AHL, and would have solved the third pairing crisis the Kings had on defense last year (also would have helped had they used Derek Forbort more too) and would fit in nicely now where Tom Gilbert currently occupies. But c'est la vie. That sort of stuff is 20/20 in hindsight.

Except that Martin Jones fiasco. Nope, the Kings gave up their backup goalie to Boston...who then of course gave him right back to San Jose. So that's of course an extra bit of hot jizz sauce served up on this shit sundae. All for this.

and of course

Thanks for everything.

Prediction: A hat-trick by that gorilla fucking corncob just to spite me. Kings lose 3-2.

More From Battle of California