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Taketh and Giveth

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The NHL is like a really shitty parent

Tonight's matchup! Sorta. The NHL tried. Also sorta
Tonight's matchup! Sorta. The NHL tried. Also sorta

The best part of the NHL is their ability to be the worst decision makers known, combined with their incredible ability to try and reverse all decisions they ever made in a totally half-assed manner.  And there's a lot of fucking stupid decisions the NHL has made over the years. Shootouts and salary structure and buyouts because of those salaries and every ill advised promotional marketing deal ever. Like the Guardians project. And arguing about the Olympics. And forcing outdoor games and world tournaments.

But the NHL's bread and butter of dip shittery comes with their handling of franchises. Namely, taking them away. They turn to whatever poor sad sack of a metro has a team that sucks and who refuse to have the public pay for a new arena, and take the team away (look out Calgary). It's like a pissy single parent hearing from their kid that mommy has a cooler place to live and buys them a McFlurry with their Happy Meal. So then the pissy single parent smashes their Super Nintendo out of anger because they can only afford a one bedroom apartment across the street from an Arby's.

Much like any pissy single parent though, afterwards they are full of remorse. Primarily because the damn kid won't shut the hell up now. So they have to go out and rectify the situation. But a new SNES? That's expensive. Have fun with a TIGER handheld Power Rangers game. The batteries may not work. But ya got a new toy! Things are better now! Right? Don't tell Mom.

Back to the NHL...they do this shit all the time. They take a franchise away from a city that had a small but die hard fan base, usually because attendance has been lower than normal. The NHL *could* try or something and make things work to help the franchises. Especially since this seems to happen at a pretty regular click. But no. "The public won't fund a new team AND won't show up for a team that's 35-52? I have no idea why that's not working. Pull the plug." Instituting tougher rules on owners and possible revenue sharing? That's a lot of work.

Then they start feeling bad that the market/kid won't talk to them anymore and down the road wonder why the relationship soured. "Sammy! You never call any more. What have you've been up? I treated you like dirt? What? No way. That's your other dad/sports league!"

The NHL tries to rebuild the "bond" they had with the city they pissed on. But always in a half-assed ill conceived manner. Northern California? Seals turn to Sharks. The fact they've been the most successful franchise says a lot. Rockies turn to Avalanche, which also pissed off another city/kid by stealing their team/toy. North Stars turn to Wild. What the fuck is a Wild? Senators turn to Senators. You were right the first time though with this one actually. Ottawa deserves nothing. Flames turn to Thrashers that turn into Jets because you got rid of the original Jets which turned into Coyotes. The NHL has been doing this same shit for years now it's gotten out of hand and they are pulling this shit repeatedly on the same cities to each other.

So Atlanta now needs a team. But that's taking teams away though after giving them out. The NHL does that a lot too. Looking at you Hurricanes. But you'll get one back also. Once the NHL deals with Hartford getting a new team, because they took that one. Maybe if Vegas doesn't work out, Quebec City can get a team. As to who Vegas gets, who knows? Does anyone think New York would miss a team if one of them disappeared? They got like nine of them.

So. Cities due new franchises:

  • Cleveland! Because Columbus doesn't count.
  • Hartford! The never ending swap with Carolina could continue.
  • Kansas City! Wait. Really? Oh shit, they got a new arena sitting there and everything.
  • Quebec! Nah.
  • Anaheim! Just you wait and see.

Prediction: Kings lose 4-1 and the NHL expands to 43 teams to try and appease all their upset kids/cities.