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Haley’s vomit

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Haley is actual vomit
He appears once every 75 years on a team’s 4th line
Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

How about some real hockey talk, eh?

Please, De Boer, god, take Michael Haley out of the lineup against the Penguins. You’re not going to punch your way out of 2-1 breaks, and he’s probably not allowed to fight Martin Jones when he’s pulling his “OOPSIE, WAS THAT ANOTHER SHORT SIDE GOAL??” routine.

Long Beach native Matt Nieto (from Long Beach) has been in the press box, muttering to himself about The Potholder and T.S.O.L. Ok, he can’t score for shit, but is 100% less likely to take an instigator and at least looks likes a competent 4th liner when he’s on the ice.

“We’re going to play the roster that got us here, a 6-5 record and a 2 game losing streak,” replied De Boer, probably.

I mean, I’m not panicking, because it’s only November. Point are points, etc. but our main division rivals, whom you may have read about on this World Wide Web site, aren’t exactly making me nervous. The Kings haven’t won a game in regulation since last April. The Ducks are [does a quick web search for NHL news] still coached by Randy Carlyle (RAAAAAAAAANDY!). The Sharks possession game is actually better this year than last, and where they’ve been struggling to win games it’s largely been a matter of execution on defense, the power play, and in goal.

Certain members of our team are OLD LOLOLOL and played 4 rounds of hockey last spring plus represented their country in the Acrylic Snot-rocket Cup last September or whenever the fuck that was. You could have easily predicted a drop-off from Jumbo’s exceptionally productive last year, and you’d be wise to not expect a bounce back year from Marleau, but those additional games are taking their toll in the entire team’s play right now.

So if they want to chill out and think about which Super Friend they’d rather play skee-ball with (Hertl) or which Tinder swipe-right is DTF (Couture) or how it’s weird that beavers are rodents (Marleau) instead of mentally preparing for the second period of an early November game against the Flames, I’m not going to freak out. Get it out of your system now, you talented idiots.

Penguins @ Sharks

7:30 PM Pacific

Prediction: the Sharks defend their Corsi Stanley Cup victory from a couple weeks ago, and raise a printed spreadsheet high to the rafters.