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You will be dead soon

Hey! Speaking of the Seals...

Dwight be trollin' hard
Dwight be trollin' hard
Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

Since I talked about the California Seals, I figured now would be a good time to talk about how screwed the Coyotes are. Here's a brief history lesson on the Seals:

  • The NHL wanted to expand to a large market that was warm weather despite not exactly being a hockey town.
  • The team was swindled from another locale (though in this case, far shorter travel time).
  • Attendance sucked!
  • There were countless threats to relocate.
  • The team sucked!
  • There were countless lawsuits because of this shitty team.
  • New owners!
  • Re-branding! Like new jerseys! And new logos! And a new name switching from a city to a state.
  • Owned by the NHL!
  • Unable to ever really relocate until on their death bed.

In the end, the Seals did wind up relocated to Cleveland for like a weekend, before merging with the North Stars (who also sucked and died) who then of course turned into the Dallas Stars. Anyways, that's about it in terms of similarities with the Seals and Coyotes and it's not that many.

But even if this is the harbinger of doom, you still get a crazy exciting future to enjoy! Like when the Coyotes relocate to New Orleans! But then they fail immediately and merge with the Carolina Hurricanes who relocate to Portland. Shane Doan will get dropped while on a stretcher.


Prediction: hahahahahahahhahahaha