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Masters of Time


get it cause he wears a clock
get it cause he wears a clock
Rick Kern/Getty Images

Way back in the 2011-2012 season the Kings beat the Columbus Blue Jackets with only a few seconds to go. This of course occurred after the clock sorta froze for a few seconds. The whole game was discarded and the Kings had their Stanley Cup, won later that season, voided.

Wait that didn't happen at all. The Kings won that game and won a Cup, and no one gave two shits about the stupid as fuck clock. Except Columbus maybe. Except no one cares about them either. So it goes.

Then the clock didn't work again. But this time the stakes were much higher. It wasn't an important game. It only featured Ottawa, so the game barely exists anyways. It wasn't a game winning goal either. But it was a Trevor Lewis goal that got me a McFlurry.

You see, they give out free McFlurries if the Kings score a goal in the last minute of the second period (in games played on weekends in months ending in "ary") and ok sure whatever. Main thing is, I got one. Or a ticket for one.

Anyway, I didn't actually notice the clock malfunction during this though. I was at the game and two beers and a bottle of wine deep. The can wine idea from It's Always Sunny is a great pre-game trick by the way. I barely even realized Lewis had scored, let alone that a clock was off by a few seconds randomly at one point.

Clearly this is a vast conspiracy put on by the Kings to punish the rest of the league, and to reward me with cheap fast food ice cream. Perhaps the Kings will start flying around in a blue phone booth thing? Or punch baby Hitler? Or rescue the Statue of Liberty from Shredder who stole it for...I don't actually know why he did that in that game. Any ideas?

Also, how big is Krang? Is he the size of a skyscrapper or a beachball in a big nude man suit?

Someone get back to me with these answers, and preferably bring me more coupons for free crappy ice cream.

Prediction: I get high and play Turtles in Time.