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Friday is for drinking

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Friday Friday gotta get drunk on Friday

not Stace
not Stace
Ethan Miller/Getty Images

There are few things I detest more than back to back games. Except maybe Friday games. Combine that with a east coast road trip and you have given me a trifecta Christmas present of shit, piss, and snot. Thanks NHL! You shouldn't have.

I get the league making schedules is a tricky art form. You have to manage in stupid games against opponents within your division that are four hour flight away, plus the mandatory cross conference games. Plus you have to deal with NBA roommates for a lot of the teams, plus whatever concert/show/circus/anime convention happens to be scheduled at these places too. It's a pain in the ass to manage I'd imagine. There's also just way too many fucking games and fucking teams.

Give me 28 teams with a 66 game schedule and I am a happy guy, but that is beyond wishful thinking.

But anyways, FRIDAY. Everyone loves Friday! It's the start of the weekend for a lot of us, and for a lucky few it's their first full day off. Friday also is when Robert Smith is in love, for what that's worth. But it's not for hockey. It just isn't. Here's how sportsing work. And drinking. Mostly drinking.

Saturday

During college football season, all other sports should let them do their thing until 7 PM. As college football starts to slow down with their games, all other sports can throw more weekend day games in. Be sure to pace yourself for drinking all day. It's hard to get drunk twice in a day, so keep a happy buzz going until the evening game. Then go crazy.

Beverage of choice: Beer it up.

Sunday (Fall/Winter)

FOOOOOOOOOOOOBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW. Every other sport is banned from doing anything on Sunday, except in Canada. I don't know when their football lite takes place nor do I care. Make sure to manage your hangover by drinking upon waking up.

Beverage of choice: Mimosas.

Sunday (post-football)

Whatever day games you can handle. No game should start later than 1 PM. That is the law. Game of Thrones is on later.

Beverage of choice: Wine? Sure.

Monday through Thursday

This is reserved for hockey and basketball. The weekday football games usually suck and they get a whole day of the week dedicated for them anyways. Stop getting so pushy, NFL. Enjoy after work liver battery/

Beverage of choice: Hard stuff, but not cocktails. Be super classy and act like Don Draper, you classy alcoholic.

Friday

You are done working. Why are there sports on? It's time to party, bitch. Or play video games. Or just drink while getting caught up on Adventure Time. Wait no. Ignore that last part. Either way, sports on Friday seems sorta...off. It's just not right. It's like having chow mein for breakfast. Sure, you can do it. But it just doesn't feel right, ya know?

Beverage of choice: EVERYTHING. Absinthe! Bleach! A mug full of nails! Live it up, right?

Prediction: I get sued for condoning drinking a lot. And the Kings lose but no one watches because it's a stupid Friday game.