Salmon tartare of DOOM, and getting high on keyboard cleaner: the news from Montreal

Let’s check in on what’s happening in the “city of light”, Montreal!

Ooops. That’s a pretty bad mistake to make. Here the guy gets his appetizer, and starts digging in to th-

That is clearly salmon tartare. How well lit was this restaurant? Is it one of those dining in the dark type things? If I had a deadly seafood allergy, I don’t think it’d be wise for me to immediately begin eating anything that was pink like that, and smelled like raw salmon.

Here are two stories that are next to each other, and I’m sure are completely unrelated.

Montreal, what are you doing? Your teens can’t get pot, and they are turning to keyboard cleaner.

More details from the story:

Another coroner found the same gas – used in hair spray – caused the death of a 26-year-old Saint-Eustache woman. She was using the hair spray as a stain remover and accidentally breathed it in trying to remove ink stains from the inside of her clothes dryer.

Goddamn, that’s a terrible way to check out. Stay safe out there, Quebec.

Also, every stupid story about marijuana legalization or dispensaries or whatever has to have a series of photographs of people SMOKING THE DEMON WEED!!!LKLJ*((*&!!!

Why do news outlets always do this? They never do this with stories about restaurants or coffee houses. “HERE’S SOME SHOTS OF SOME DORKS VERY OBVIOUSLY CHEWING FOOD IN AN EXAGGERATED MANNER!” Is it for the 7 people in the world who have never seen another human being smoke before?

Something I’m never going to see before I die attempting to clean the inside of a plastic trash bag with acetone: a pot shop that uses a color palette other than green.

Here’s Montreal’s own Sainte Catherines and their harrowing account of what happens when the boys go back to town.

Sharks @ Canadiens

4:30 PM Pacific

Prediction: I remain jealous of the dumbshit problems happening in Montreal.