Meat Train Resurgence

Wayne Simmonds has 14 more goals and almost double the points of reigning Selke and what the hell Lady Byng why not? winner Anze Kopitar.

Let’s just savor that for a moment. Aaaaaaah.....aaaaah. Feels good, doesn’t it? I mean, it probably won’t last (him shooting 4.5%, for example), but facts are facts, and while the Meat Train keeps rolling, the Slovenian Atrocity Locomotive sputters along, comically belching clouds of smoke and making funny noises. The “C” on his chest and the many war crimes he committed during the middle 1990s are clearly weighing on him. Make Brown Great Again, Give Him the Captaincy.

The thing I’ve always appreciated about Simmonds is how when he skates he looks like he was constructed from popsicle sticks as an after-preschool craft project and given sentience and locomotion by a gnarled, magical gnome. Just watch him on the ice, and you too will believe in the magic of the little folks what live in the briars and brambles.

You don’t have to be a spreadsheet-marrying computer boy to know that +/- is a trash stat, but it’s still pretty hilarious that the Flyers have only 5 players on their roster with a +/- of 0 or greater, and one of them is Andrew MacDonald and another is Radko Fucking Gudas.

Flyers @ Sharks

7:00 PM Pacific

Prediction: Michael Del Zotto hits on your mom. Goddammit, Del Zotto.