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Teemu Selanne, it turns out, is a shitlord, and it just feels so right. Oh, how many stories there were about how nice he is! Remember when he left a nice message on the whiteboard in the Sharks dressing room after he left? And he signs autographs. Wow, what a guy!

The thing is, there were also stories warning us about him. He lives in Coto de Caza, which is basically a sinkhole full of assholes who collectively encourage each other to become even bigger assholes, while smothering each other in asshole sauce. He’s really into cars without really knowing how to work on them, which is right up there with serious wine collecting and having the word “deplorable” be part of your Twitter handle as an indicator of your utter soullessness.

My wife has a reflexive distrust of guys who go out of their way to show everyone they are nice guys: it’s a veneer over something worse. She is not wrong. Think back to how much of a whiner Selanne was on the ice. Remember how he insisted on being on the 1st power play unit over better, younger players? Remember how he tossed Kirby to the wolves in his stupid ghost-written autobiography, but never did so to Boudreau’s face?

Handsomeness and athletic prowess, combined, give people like Selanne the appearance of virtue even before they’ve said anything. I can already see this shit with my 1st grade son’s classmates. But Selanne has been losing his looks and athleticism gradually, then all at once. His true self remains, though: a fucking asshole. I feel vindicated.

Sharks @ Ducks

7:00 PM Pacific

Prediction: Ducks fans remain in denial about their shitlord king.