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Teemu Selanne is awful and I regret being a Ducks fan

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2016 Tim Hortons NHL Heritage Classic - Alumni Game Photo by Jason Halstead /Getty Images

My name is Cory and I’m a Millennial or Gen Y or something and I am too busy disappointing my elders with unemotional casual oral sex or fighting crippling college debt or whatever to write a gameday post for this BoC matchup.

I will say unconditionally that I regret ever cheering for Teemu Selanne. My brilliant co-writer shampeon is completely correct. Teemu’s a shitstain, and we should forfeit our Cup win I guess, because we’re awful generally but especially since Teemu sucks.

Gameday

San Jose Sharks vs. Anaheim Ducks

Honda Center, Anaheim

Friday, December 9, 2016, 7:00 p.m PST

Prediction

My youth and inexperience spells my doom.

Inspirational Music

Here’s a Youtube video that only has 1 view and I searched for with “IMG_0668”.