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Sharks Gameday: The Boy Doan Wrong Again

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Shane Doan continues chasing his dream. He will fail.

Coyotes captain Shane Doan reacts to missing the playoffs for the 28th time.
Coyotes captain Shane Doan reacts to missing the playoffs for the 28th time.

I'm a sucker for stupid chase sequences. I love them. I don't really mean the kind of CGI ones where entire city blocks are destroyed by comic book characters. The spectacle of that really doens't do much for me, probably because I always think about how the reactions of the actors doesn't really match the utter destruction happening around them. My dog will single-mindedly chase squirrels without thinking about or caring about the effects. She would absolutely not care about a 5 story apartment building she just leveled if it got her an inch closer to the fucking squirrel, her sworn enemy. But even a terrible person would at least notice a large building crumbling behind them and be impressed by it.

My dog, squirrel hater

Simple chase sequences are the best. Car chases, foot chases, boat chases. My dog chases a squirrel because it is there, and she hates it with a pure, abiding hate. I think that's why I love Wile E. Coyote/Roadrunner cartoons. It's the ultimate expression of chase motivated by hate.

Albert Burneko wrote a pretty great article about the meaning of Wile E. Coyote cartoons: the coyote will always fail, but the ways it will fail will always surprise you, because the one unchanging law of its universe is that the coyote will fail.

Wile E. Coyote tunnel smash

Painted tunnels become real, then turn back again. Gravity is variable. Contraptions misfire, then correct themselves. All to fuck over a single coyote. It's beautiful.

Fuck you, Shane Doan.

Shane Doan

Coyotes @ Sharks

7:30 PM Pacific

Prediction: Martin Jones paints his goal mouth to look like a tunnel, and a freight train comes out and flattens Shane Doan.