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Sharks Gameday: Jeremy Roenick is a shittie

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What's a shittie? It's like a foodie, but for his own shit.

The lemur is on to you, shit-eater.
The lemur is on to you, shit-eater.

Jeremy Roenick clearly eats his own shit, but how exactly does he do it? Well, the answer is clear: he savors his shit, like a gourmand. He very likely has a journal where he keeps recipes and notes on techniques. He's a shittie, a foodie for his own shit.

There isn't much more to say about the legendary John Scott and how he turned the NHL All Star game into his own personal victory lap with middle fingers raised triumphantly in Gary Bettman's unpleasant face, but him clowning Roenick on national television was absolutely perfect. Why would Roenick think anybody gave a fuck that Roenick previously was not a supporter of Scott accepting the All Star nod in an on-the-bench interview? So John Scott, Acceptor Of No Shit, took a jab at Roenick's awful opinions.

Your garden variety narcissist can never be wrong and deludes himself into thinking that even his most humiliating moments are triumphs. Roenick is a narcissist, but he's a rarer breed: the kind that eats his own excrement for pleasure. After all, it was produced by JR, who is the BEST. How can anything be better than something made by Jeremy Roenick himself? You know how every opinion that he has is shitty? Well, that's because he refuses to let anything but his own shit touch his lips. This also explains the painful acting and analyst careers Roenick has pursued. As awful as they are to any outsider, to him they are like one of his seven daily bowel movements: expertly produced and eaten up by the only audience that counts: himself.

Look at his smile, the classic shit-eating grin.

Jeremy Roenick smile

This is not a man who is ashamed of eating shit. This is a man who thinks you're shameful for not eating his shit.

Sharks @ Ducks

7:00 PM Pacific

The Sharks and Ducks return from the All Star Break having quietly turned the corner on their pretty bad starts.

Prediction: Jeremy Roenick prepares a 6 course meal of his own poop, and is the only person to RSVP yes.