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Ducks Gameday: Shit Gargler

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Binge eating is no joke. Sharks @ Ducks.

Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

As is tradition here at Battle of California whenever two California NHL teams face off against each other, today we have two posts arguing opposite sides of a contentious debate. Today, we discuss the age-old question in which way does Jeremy Roenick eat his own shit? To see the other guy's point of view, click here.

Certainly, we all can concede that Jeremy Roenick eats his own shit. No one is going to argue this. We've witnessed it many times over his NHL career. The most recent example is when our beloved John Scott made granted another opportunity for JR eat his own shit during the All-Star Game.

Now Ian, my esteemed colleague and our resident Sharks enthusiast insists old JR is a shit connoisseur, a high class shittie, a shit sommelier. But let's face it, friends; we know Roenick too well. JR does not have the self-control or competence to merely be acquainted with shit, having a well-rounded shit knowledge, able to pass judgements on the shit he samples.

No, Jeremy Roenick gargles shit.

Jeremy Roenick has a shit-binge eating disorder, and this would be sad and we would call for intervention and help for Roenick if he himself wasn't such a fucking turd. Roenick doesn't distinguish between shits, he huffs them down indiscriminately. Roenick would be no more satisfied with the Chateau Margaux of shits than he would be the Thunderbird of shits. He loves all shits equally.

Oh, he was also a San Jose Shark.



Anyway, many Battle of California Ducks celebrities will be in attendance at tonight's game. Come see Me, Cory, Earl, and Spade where the rich people sit, Row B directly beside to the Ducks' penalty box. Help us carry a drunken, belligerent Spade to the car.

San Jose Sharks @ Anaheim Ducks

Tuesday, Feb 2, 2016, 7:00 PM PST

Honda Center - Anaheim, CA


No one helps us carry a drunken, belligerent Spade to the car, so we leave him in a ditch instead.

Inspirational Music

To take up space in my gameday posts this season, so that I don't have to write so much, you'll be getting a glimpse of my playlist while I write this garbage.

Today I'm listening to: Modest Mouse - "Shit Luck"